Release: 2006
Director: Kirk Bowman http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1370224/
Writer: Kirk Bowman http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1370224/
Cast:
Danilo Mancinelli http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2551103/
Heidi Brucker http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2567040/
Mira Rayson http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2570134/
Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: Not Listed!!!!
IMDb: 3.4/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0976024/
Netflix: 1.7 Stars
Review:
There are bad movies then there are terrible movies. Then you have movies like Blood Sucking Babes From Burbank that deserve their own category of distinction. Movies like these that are so awful you can not finish (Which I did) or you feel as if your brains went from a solid to a hot soupy mess (Which mine did.). Deserve no kindness at all. All they deserve is to be roasted by critics and viewers alike.
But herein lies the problem. 99% of the populace could never finish this movie to give it a proper roast with friends. As it's bad acting and soft core porn story makes you want to shoot yourself to end not only your misery but your friends as well. All the while you wonder why this even made it to dvd let alone onto Netflix. Which where I unfortunate to find it in my year long calamity of 365 B movies in 365 days. So why is it so bad? It is simple and so here I go.
The movie is shot in and around Burbank, California just as the name implies. Which is fine and dandy except for the script is about a fictional magical box that turns women into man hungry cannibal nympho's. Who strip down to their bra and panties and eat the first man that they see. Yep you read that right. This cliche filled, erotic mess is brought to us by the Writer, director and produce of this movie Kirk Bowman. Who is a talentless hack that has nothing to bring to the world of cinema.
I know this is harsh and I do not care. I am a fan of bad film directors. As I have a collection of Ed Wood, John Waters and even a few Uwe Boll Films in my collection. Even the great Peter Jackson was an amazing B-Film director. But what makes these men vastly superior to Kirk Bowman is they knew how to shoot a movie, how to write a movie even if it sucks. They are enjoyable for the most part. This one is not in the least as its visually unpleasing and the actors are not well trained at all.
It is if there was an add in a paper for this movie and who ever showed up first got the parts. I can see the add now. "Want to be in a movie? Then come on down to 1234 Blow Me Drive. We are currently looking for men 19-25 with tattoos and piercings. Women 18-25 who are willing to strip down to bra and panties and are comfortable at points going topless. If you bring fake blood, plastic gems and Halloween prop fangs and severed limbs you will be in this picture."
That is just how I imagine it and I am not even kidding about plastic gems, fake fangs and severed limbs. Hell one scene comes to mind with a rope as an intestine and a squirt of Hershey Chocolate Syrup on a guys stomach. It was so completely awful that it was one of two scenes that made me erupt in laughter. The other is a guy who has two girls eating him. As he never struggles and just lays there and lets them have their way with him.
Hell it was that way for all of the men who where in peril. They all where lifeless ragdoll's as not a single one ever put up a fight. Which who could blame them with a script this awful. Oh hell I might as well spill all the beans on this misery. The premise of the movie surrounds two competing Archaeology student teams that are vying for a trip to Taiwan. One is doing it on ancient sex devices from the Roman Empire. The other is out in search of the long lost artifact named Angela's Box.
Which is just a dig at Pandora's Box. But unlike that box this one is lost in the foothills of Burbank and any woman who comes in contact with the jewels inside becomes a sex craved cannibal. Yep went over that already. So one of the teams finds it a boy friend and girl friend have a fight he takes the box and starts losing jewels all across the city. So woman left and right start stripping and having orgasms as they have contact with any jewel and eventually they eat any man around.
That is the entire movie folks. No need to watch it. But since I am generous and this movie is available on Youtube for free. I am going to provide it to you for your viewing displeasure. Just so that some of you can see what I put myself through. The smart folks will just watch the trailer that I will also provide and leave it at at that. So if you are sadistic feel free to waste 90 minutes of your life if you can,
Either which way I can care less. I do this for fun and pleasure. But I do have a confession to make. I want to thank you readers. Especially who ever helped me get in contact with the Writer/Director of Ultrachrist! and who ever put up my first review on IMDb. You opened doors that I never knew existed and opened my eyes that maybe that all these reviews I am doing is not a joke. But something I should take pride in and enjoy more than I was recently.
So from now on this web review page is dedicated to all of you my readers out there. So if you want to follow me on twitter here is my info.
@aikira21 I would have done thebflickchick but it was taken along time ago by a person who only does weight loss. Oh well anyways I hope to link a follow me button soon enough.
My Rating: Negative -3/ 5 Stars
Full Movie:
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