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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Movie Review # 50 Raptor Island (2004)

Release: 2004
Director: Stanley Isaacs
Writer: Dean Widenmann
Lorenzo Lamas
Steven Bauer
Haley DuMond

Rotten Tomatoes: 13% Audience
IMDb: 2.4/10
Netflix: 2.5 Stars 

If there is one gleaming light about this movie blog. It is that Sy-Fy formally Sci Fi Movies. Will always give me at least two to three new films a month for me to review. Not that a single one of them will be enjoyable beyond the fact that they themselves are torture devices or prime pickings for your own Mystery Science Theater 3000 night of enjoyment. Even then if you are that depraved of a life and have to resort to these movies for enjoyment you are missing something in your life.

Hell I am missing something as I am watching these. It is called a brain as I had to shut it off just to make it through. In a cumulative onslaught bad acting, worse writing and special effects that deserve a mantle as some of the worst in history. It is up to the individual on what is the most heinous. I just can not pick just one as they are all equally awful. The story alone is something where you must shut your brain down. A airplane from China goes down with American nuclear waste.

Which causes a chain reaction on the island. As the animals mutate into dinosaurs in less than forty years. Brought on by the incubation of volcano. This sounds more like a video game than a movie doesn't it? Honestly it would have been a better game as the movie plays out like one. Complete with cheesy set pieces of the raptors surrounding the main cast. Only for them to shoot their way out. But never really seem to run out of ammo. Hell they can't even shoot straight as they spray bullets all across the screen and barely hit anything.

None of these moments is more heinous than the end of the film. Where a trained Navy Seal can not shoot a man who is 15 feet away. Seriously? Well it is Lorenzo Lamas I am sure that man shoots blanks in bed as well. If he can even get it up with out the help of Viagra. Even as I say that this movie could have used Viagra from start to finish it is plagued by slowdowns, bad editing and even worse transitioning.

I know it was made for tv. But seriously there is no excuse for hard cuts and having action that leads to nothing. That or even scenes that have no rhythmic reason to follow each other. As if you missed a transitional scene all because you had to make sure it fit into your block time. That 30 seconds of footage would have been more beneficial than what you presented us. Which is a a how to guide bad film making.

I harp and harp on these things. It is just that movies are art and when you see art abused you feel bad for it. Just like video games you see where it could have been and gone. Sadly they just go the opposite and make a awful autricity of a film. Sadly this is Hollywood and this is Sy Fy. Who in all intent and purposes has lost their way. As they push for more reality television and wrestling.

But that is just how life is these days. When you can fill your coffers with cheap entertainment and not have to worry about television shows or making bad films like this. Then you should jump on it. Sadly though they still make these and for every Tin Man or Alice there are a Sherlock Holmes and a Raptor Island. But that is just a stretch I would say its a 10 to 1 bad movies to good movies for Sy Fy.

My Rating: .5/5 Stars


  1. 5/5 stars, if its such a lousy movie as you repeatedly harp on and on, why the F' would yo give it 5 stars (? your secret Lorenzo Lamas fetish), there's simply no way to trust integrity of 'reviews'

    1. I had a period in front of the 5. SO it is .5 not a 5.