Release: 2005
Director: Fred Olen Ray
Writer: Fred Olen Ray
Cast: Nicole Sheridan, Jay Richardson, Beverly Lynne, Voodoo, Evan Stone, Belinda Gavin
Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: N/A
IMDb: 3.8/10
Netflix: 2.6 Stars
Review:
Bikini Round up or as it is known on Netflix as The Good the Bad and the Beautiful is a HBO late night soft core porn comedy. Is part comedy, part spoof, part porn and just overall awful. I knew nothing about this movie going in and after 10 minutes 7 of which where a semi hard core porn scene between Annie (Nicole Sheridan) and R.J. McCoy (Randy Spears). I knew that was I in for the next hour and change was not going to be that enjoyable.
Which it really wasn't as this movie sold sex as the main story. Instead of what the real story which was Annie getting all of R.J's estate on his death bed. Which would have been a fun story if they hashed it out. Instead we have a villain J.R. Masterson (Jay Richardson) who is wanting the plot of land to get to the riches of Calamity Kate (Belinda Gavin). Who is more Boss Hog from Dukes of Hazzard than a real antagonist as his cronies do all his biddings.
Which really entails them having sex with Annie and Stacy (Beverly Lynne) as they are used as sex toys by the girls. All the while the reason why the girls flew out to Nevada is left alone. Which is to search and find the Lost Silver Mine. Which they never do and instead they have a three way lesbian scene with the ghost of Calamity Kate and then vow to burn the map to the cavern.
I know porns have no real plots. But this one had the beginnings of one and they blew it. That is what is most disappointing with this movie. Is that it could have been a lot more than it was. As it never stepped up to plate and instead chose to sit back and say "Let all the sex do the talking." Which made for a very long boring movie for me. Albeit for some it fills their carnal need for getting off.
But outside of that this movie has no real appeal. Nor does it have any merit just being listed as a comedy all over the place. As it is a porn through and through. Yet on sites like IMDb it is listed as Comedy and even on Netflix it is. Yes I will give it has funny moments. They are just not laugh inducing but more the "Oh my God!" type because the porn stars are trying to act and they are just so bad a it that you long for the sex scene fillers.
Which come every 3 to 5 minutes if that. Especially at the end where they are laced on top of each other which seems every minute or two. Which is sad as you pray for those or in my case I just prayed for it be over. Which is sad as I do not pray usually. Yet this movie made me do it.
Not because it was a porn. But just for the acting and no story. I could have lived with the sex scenes if the story hashed out and was brought out into fruition. Instead what we are left with is a movie that has a quarter of a heart beat and a long hard on for sex. Not exactly something I want to indulge in unless I am trying to get my man riled up and ready for a roll in the hay.
My Rating: 1.25/5 Stars
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