Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Movie Review # 79 #1 Cheerleader Camp [The Asylum] (2010)
Director: Mark Quod http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0704517/
Writer: Naomi L. Selfman http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0783119/
Charlene Tiltom http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005492/
Seth Cassell http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3215890/
Jay Gillespie http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1152653/
Rotten Tomatoes: 7% Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1_cheerleader_camp/
IMDb: 3.5/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1637976/
Netflix: 2.9 Stars
There are great companies that make straight to DVD films. Like the people behind American Pie and National Lampoon. Then we have the hacks that are The Asylum. Who are most famous for the many mockbusters that they have put out over the past few years. All of which are painful and down right hideous. Unfortunately it seems to be the case for all their movies.
#1 Cheerleader Camp included. With an opening scene ripped from the Man Show more specifically the "Girls on Trampolines" segment. That is so over the top and offensive that I nearly turned off the movie. You ask what could be so bad? How about four minutes of topless girls bouncing up and down touching themselves as if it is a soft core porn.
As a female it is offensive and well just childish. For a teen male who this movie is catered to its instant tent time and possibly a run to the nearest bathroom or quickly under the sheets. As this is just to good to not whip it out to and masturbate. Which would make them no different than one of the main characters of the movie Andy (Seth Cassell. Who not only whips it out everywhere.
It is how he wants to get tone and fit. It as he put it the Masturbation Diet and it's the only one he can stick with. As he failed with Atkins, and Weight Watchers etc etc. In all honesty this sickening running joke goes from start to end. Which by the end it makes you plead for mercy as he is caught doing it or just shown doing it every five to ten minutes through out.
Which is understandable for as much tits and ass are shown. This movie just like another movie made by The Asylum MILF is just a soft core porn wrapped in a horrible comedy. They both even share something similar that being the bets. Where one was who could get the most granny pussy by the end of summer. This one is who can bag a threesome by the end of Summer. Which Andy wins with two grandmas.
Seriously I wish I was joking. It is a disturbing scene seeing two older woman dressed up as dominatrix's whipping and doing who knows what to Andy. Despite all of Andy's disgustingness you have Michael "The Choker" (Jay Gillespie) and its not what you think it is. Which shocked the crap out of me that they kept this clean outside of this horrible nickname.
Which was brought on by him choking on the pommel horse at a gymnastics meet. Which tarnished his name and made it on "VieeW Tuube" the YouTube of this movie. Which not only causes Michael a lot of grief it ends up with people thinking he is gay. Which are the funniest scenes in the movie especially one where a gay boy is eating cole slaw of Michaels butt while he is trying to go skinny dipping.
In all honesty that was the only scene that actually got me to laugh. As it is was unexpected and it is down right wrong and funny. Especially when the girl Michael had the hots for showed up and the guy eating the cole slaw popped up scaring her and embarrassing Michael at the same time. Leading to a misunderstanding of events. But not enough for Sophie to not fall in love predictably with Michael at the end of the movie.
That love connection or lack of one through it is what this movie is principally about. If they had stuck with that story of misunderstanding and growing up and overcoming choking. It would have been a great movie and possibly one I could sit through again. Instead what we get is masturbation jokes, girls rubbing all over each other and old woman dressed up in tight leather.
None of which appeals to me what so ever. But to some in the world this kind of movie will. Just not enough based on reviews and the ratings that this movie has. Which is a 3.5/10 on IMDb and a 7% approval rating by audiences on Rotten Tomatoes. If that shows anything it is this. That most people want substance not nudity, masturbation and childish antics.
Which at this time I do not see The Asylum caring as their movies are put out to make a buck. With catchy wording, amazing box art and shifty reviews by themselves posted on the boxes. It is their game and one day we will grow smart enough to avoid these movies. Sadly for this one reviewer I know I will be reviewing many more before just so that you do not have to see them.
My Rating: 0/5 Stars