Paypal Donatation

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Movie Review # 47 Silent Trigger (1996)

Release: 1996
Director: Russell Mulcahy
Writer: Sergio Altieri
Dolph Lundgren
Gina Bellman
Conrad Dunn

Rotten Tomatoes: 35% Audience
IMDb: 5.3/10
Netflix: 3.1 Stars

Dolph Lundgren oh have I avoided your ilk till today. Sadly though this challenge I have put forth on my self of 365 reviews in 365 days has brought me into one of your B-Film action movies. Which was just I thought it would be slow, boring and just enough action to keep a simpleton interested. It as if this movie was a paint by number action film. No names for anyone except Eagle 1 and Eagle 2 or as they known in the credits as Shooter and Spotter.

Really? Come on now these are your main characters give them names for goodness sake. But no instead we are stuck with Eagle 1 and Eagle 2 and you know this tedium of monotony and lack of story telling. Brought this movie down to the point of wanting to shoot yourself. Well at least it did for me. I am not saying that it is unbearable it just was that boring and slow. The entire movie is paced like a old fart race. The quickest to a heart attack wins as that is your lone level of excitement.

As each old fart falls it is time for an action scene to bring back a sense of the movie having life. Which are about every 5 to 10 minutes. Where they last 2-3 minutes or at tops 5 minutes for the ending. Which is so stupid that I swore it was written on a piece of used toilet paper. All I want to do is curl up in the fetal position and suck on my thumb. I am seriously wondering why I am torture myself daily with these movies?

This one its entire story is this. An assassin fails to do his job and his partner is supposed to kill him. Which she doesn't so they have flashbacks on why she didn't as they are grouped together again in another assassination which he fails to complete. But she falls in love with him and thats your story. It is simple pathetic and not worth watching. Seriously when I said this is paint by numbers I really meant it.

You can give a camera to a teen and tell him or her to go film a movie and they could come up with this movie. Complete with the crappy names. But this is a $10 million dollar film that looks like it cost less than that to shoot. Gah! Damn it!! Why am I still talking about this crap. Oh I know why it is because I chose to do this. Seriously I have to wonder if The Angry Video Game Nerd goes through this with playing all the bad video games?

Does he dread it? Does he wish they would all burn in the pits of Hell? I would say yes because I do as well. With Yesterdays film and then todays. I wonder if there are more no talent hacks out in Hollywood than people with talent. Hell I wonder who I have to fuck or give a hummer to get my movie made. I would call Queen of Shit and Crap. It would be a love story of a turd and a piece of corn.

As their union culminates in the bowels of a humans rectum! That might be a better movie than a majority of these that I have seen. So my goal is get my shit movie made by some shit company. So that I to can be considered a shit writer and director. So that others can make fun of me. On second thought I rather not. I much rather just sit back and know that my idea is safer away from public viewing or just on here. For your reading pleasure.

My Rating: 1.5/5 Stars

Not the trailer just a scene from the movie.

No comments:

Post a Comment