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Friday, July 29, 2011

Movie Review # 144 Kung Fu Killer (2008)



Release: 2008
Director: Phillip Spink
Writer(s): Jacqueline Feather, David Seidler, John Mandel
Cast: David Carradine, Daryl Hannah, James Taenaka


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 28% Audience Fresh
IMDb: 4.8/10
Netflix: 3.1 Stars


Review:
Kung Fu  Bore, Kung Fu Crap, Kung Fu Geriatric? Any of those are better names than Kung Fu Killer. As this movie is not only insulting, overly complicated and boring. It just plain sucks. There is no beating around the bush on this subject. As David Carradine is literally bored in this movie. As he reprises a role he knows all to well. Which is a white monk raised by Monks. But this one has a slight twist that being his family was killed and he went on a killing spree soon afterwards as a child.

This black moment of his past which could have been explored more is barely touched. It is not there and yet they tease it and even give several key minutes to it. But do nothing but say "Ooh dark places we no go!". Seriously it is all can expect from a movie made for Spike TV. Now if there is a silver lining it is this. Spike spent a lot of money trying to make this movie believable. As they shot it entirely in China and even have Chinese Extras everywhere. But where they screwed up is everyone speaks English.

Which I could have been okay with if the villains spoke it. But all the villagers? Even the Monks? Come on now be serious! I know that is being nit picky. At the same time it is not as this lack of caring is through out the movie. From the rubber heads, to the scenes of guts plopping to ground just for shock value. It is as if they wanted to insult instead of entertain here. Not even the action of this movie is really good honestly.

As they are shot from odd angles and very seldom do much more than get a blah response from the audience. As they just are there because (A) The story calls for it. (B) Just because they can. (C) Just for a shock value. With most of them falling into the B and C category. Which is even more saddening as they are the best parts. Especially when Daryl Hannah gets on screen and sings. OH MY GOD! She is beyond terrible and deserves to be shot for this role alone.

I love her in most of her other movies. But this one seriously I much rather deal with a ten second long nails across a chalk board. Than to ever hear her sing ever again. But that is just me. As a whole this movie just does not stand up to Chinese Epics that cover these same stories. From Hero to Fearless. Where the man makes a stand against the ultimate evil and sells the struggles of it. This movie just fails and is overly Americanized and pathetically boring. So do yourself a favor and just skip this movie all together.

My Rating 1.25 out of 5 Stars



Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Movie Review # 143 Santa's Slay (2005)


Release:
Director: David Steiman
Writer: David Steiman
Cast: Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emilie de Ravin, Robert Culp


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 44% Audience Fresh
IMDb: 5.2/10
Netflix: 3 Stars


Review:
Oh Santa you slay me. Yes I know that is corny and cheesy but I do not care. All because this movie was not only classic B-Film it was a simple and pure joy to watch. Now the movie is far from perfect with scenes that do not go well together and others that seem out of place. Despite these faults this movie is just pure fun and no Santa is Badder than this one. Sorry Bad Santa I know you are supposed to be the worst of them all. But this one will kick you ass and then shove your head up it just for fun.

Now let's get to specifics. The movies plot is wonderfully goofy. As Santa Claus is the human born child of the almighty Satan. Who loses a bet to one God's Generals who is also an Angel. The bet is who ever can get their rock closest to a hole wins. Santa elects to go first and gets it as close as he can. Only for the Angel to come in and knock his rock in winning and ultimately sealing the fate of Santa for a thousand years. This is where the movie kicks off as Santa's time has come to a end and his "Night of Slaying" can eminence again.

This playful nature goes through out the movie. With both Santa and the Angel having words again and even making the same bet. But just not in the way you might think. As for the rest of the movies plot. It is typical boy loves girl and girl isn't sure of boy fluff. It is not engaging or really adding much to the story. Instead what does is just detract a little from the movie. As it seems at times to be added on or at the very least homage to the love story in Gremlins.

As this movie sorta goes hand in hand with that one. But only in structure and story arc. Nothing more than that though. The direction, sound and effects. I honestly have no complaints as this movie is above par in all of those. Hell it is often funny even if unintentional and when those moments happen you not only know them. You love them as a critic and as a fan of B-films as I am. So I am cherishing the cheesy campy nature of this movie.

It is quite simply just a wonderful fun movie. That deserves a shot at being scene. But the best part is once you see the opening scene you will not only be hooked. You will see that this movie is high on laughs, silliness and fun moments. So give it a shot and have Christmas in July. Because I sure did and Santa's Slay is now a movie I must own in my Christmas Collection.






Monday, July 25, 2011

Movie Review # 142 Special Forces (2003)


Release: 2003
Director: Isaac Florentine
Writer: David N. White
Cast: Scott Adkins, Marshall R. Teague, Tim Abell, Danny Lee Clark (Nitro-American Gladiators)


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 14% Audience Fresh 
IMDb: 4.3/10
Netflix: 3.2 Stars


Review:
American Heroes: Special Forces or as it is more widely known as Special Forces. Is a standard military action movie. That is light on plot and heavy on cheesy action action. The movie itself is run of the mill at best with a plot teaming with cliches. From rescuing a Reporter (Daniella Deutscher) to the Major (Marshall R. Teague) of the Special Forces team conquering his nemesis (Eli Danker). Who is the only black mark on his stellar career.

Both of which have been done to death and done better as well in other movies. Now I am not saying this movie is bad by any means. I am just saying it is generic and it is best watched. While drunk, stoned, high or while making out with a special someone. Only to stop to catch the action scenes. Especially the martial arts scenes which are scripted in for Scott Adkins. Who is an amazing presence on the screen when he is fighting. Sadly we do not get enough of him and instead are insulted by a Special Forces team who reminds me of a bunch of idiotic jocks picking on freshmen.

As they tease, toy and act like fools from beginning to end of this movie. From tapping a guy on a shoulder to saying "Smoking is going to kill you!" as one of them offs a nameless soldier. It is scenes like this that will induce groans and pains to all that are in the military and those who know it. As the key motto of Special Forces is go in get the job done quickly and silently as possible. Not making a fool out of the people as you do it or making a crap ton of noise.

Which these fools do. But no one can blame the actors for this or even the director who did a wonderful job of staging, setting and cropping shots. As everything stays in focus and is mostly believable and engaging. So Kudos goes out to Isaac Florentine. The slops goes to the writer of the movie though David N. White though. Which is ironic as I have loved some of his other movies in the past. Just not this one and the key reason is this movie is out of his comfort zone.

With his others being in Martial Art tournament films. Like the Undisputed Series that stars Scott Adkins as Yuri Boyka who is quite possibly the second coming of Jean Claude Van Damme. Just better at acting and fighting on screen as he performs all his own stunts. So maybe this movie was just a blip or it was a paid job to make some money for his friend and co-partner in crime Isaac Florentine who always works with both Scott Adkins and David N. White.

Which makes this reviewer happy as each seems to try and bring out the best in each other. As the scenes written, shot and acted in by Scott Adkins are the best in the movie. Which I honestly believe should have been the star of this movie. As he is a superior character and scene stealing star through out the movie. Then again the American cast also just seems to be going through the paces never expanding or really acting. Instead seeing this as a payday instead of a way to propel their future in movies.

Which could be another reason that the scenes with Scott Adkins are so good. Either which way this movie can be viewed of fans of both Military Action and Martial Arts fans and both will walk away half happy. As each side is done well enough to please but not satisfy you as a whole. Just do not come into this movie thinking that it will be a Saving Private Ryan or a Platoon type movie. Because not only will you hate it. You will walk away and miss the best parts of it. Which is seeing Scott Adkins do some amazing action and martial arts.

My Rating 1.5 out of 5 Stars

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Movie Review # 141 Opposite Day (2009)


Release: 2009
Director: R. Michael Givens
Writer(s): Steven Paul, Max Botkin
Cast: Dick Van Patton, Pauly Shore, Billy Unger, Ariel Winter


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 21% Audience Fresh
IMDb: 3.6/10
Netflix: 3.4 Stars


Review:
Everyone has one of those days that they feel as if death is a welcome friend. Sadly those days are multiplying at an alarming rate for me. As I watch more and more bad films. All of which shorten my lifespan and make me miserable for my own existence. On the brighter more positive side of this coin this movie despite it's overly cliched and badly written script had one good thing. It was the acting did not kill the movie as it had real actors just in a horrible movie.

Which makes that much more sad as Pauly Shore is one my favorite actors of the 90's who has lost his way in the 2000's. Then you have the legendary Dick Van Patton who puts on a great performance. Despite his overly bad comb over hairstyle. Which not only brings chuckles it is the worst ascetic part of the movie is seeing it. Which say's even more about this movie as a whole. But just not enough to make it enjoyable sadly.

As the script is a mish-mash of Freaky Friday with Superbabies tossed in with a small amount of Kid Nation where kids ruled their own town. With this kind of groundwork you would think it would be pleasant and enjoyable. Instead what we get is silly romps, set pieces that are not enjoyable for tykes or adults and a story of a kid gone bad. Who then goes good because the story called for it as he learned his lesson.

All of which I am fine with. If anything keeping this movie simple would have made it amazing. Instead the movie shot to wide right and missed its goal. As if the movie was just on kids becoming adults and taking over. It would have been a good movie. If it was not for the two kids played by Billy Unger and Ariel Winter running around not knowing what was going on. As they and their grandparents where the only one's not affected by the mysterious cloud that changed everyone.

Which just brings the story to a more convoluted point. As the cloud was brought on by a machine failure. Because the scientist father never gave his son the time of day and wanted to use his kid as a experiment. When he escapes and blows up the machine. Starting this chain reaction in a five mile radius. Which is just enough to cover the entire town and turn all adults to kids and kids to adults. But the kids and adults that where not there. Just come back into town and are completely out of the loop.

Which is where the movie puts most if not all of its comedy into. Which is unfortunate as Pauly Shore is wasted in this role as a kid. You get to see moments of his brilliance only to have it squashed and killed just as quick as it happens. The same goes for Dick Van Patton. Now if there is one saving grace they are not in this movie much and can write it off as a paycheck. Sadly for both they do not do much and any movie that they are part of till they go big again. Will show up as a big mark for and against them.

Which this one is not only against them. It is against the entire cast, writers and director of this movie. But as bad as this movie is. Children will enjoy it for the most part if they can follow it. Which for me is going to be hard to believe as the story makes little to no sense and they never really explain anything or set up the villain of the movie till there is thirty minutes less. Which seems as if it is an add on moment and not needed.

Now if you can sit through Superbabies and enjoy it then you can enjoy this movie. If you can not do as the rest of the world does and just bypass this film. It is best that you and your kids do not have to torture yourselves for enjoyments sake.

My Rating: 1 out of 5 Stars



Saturday, July 23, 2011

Movie Review # 140 Vegas in Space (1992)


Release: 1992
Director: Phillip R. Ford
Writer(s): Phillip R. Ford, Doris Fish, Miss X
Cast: Doris Fish, Miss X, Ginger Quest


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 63% Audience Fresh
IMDb: 3.8/10
Netflix: 1.9 Stars


Review:
I want to open with all of the pleasantries I can before I absolutely destroy this movie. So here is everything nice I have to say. Writer, actress, Set Designer and a myriad of other roles Doris Fish. Had great aspirations, hopes and dreams. Which fulfilled over the eight year process of making this movie. As she built the sets, made the outfits, helped with make up and fronted most of the costs of the movie.

She literally turned this movie into her passion as she died of AIDS. It is this that makes this review so hard as she passed away right before this movie was released upon the public at large. So she never saw the backlash, laughs and complete terror. That she induced onto celluloid. Which I am thankful for as the reviews alone would have put her in grave. But now she can rest in peace knowing that she made herself a wonderful movie. Even if the rest of us hate it.

Those two paragraphs alone detail enough to make most people stop and go I do not want to see it. But for you others here is the full glory of this shiny flamboyant piece of crap. The movie is the story of Space Marines who to go to the Planet Clitoris and to help the Queen Empress Nueva Gabor (Ginger Quest) get her crown jewels back. Yet there is a catch. Only woman are allowed on the planet and the men have to take pills to become women to complete their mission.

This is also where the plot ends as the movie goes into a fashion nightmare of cliched hell. Which say's nothing about the movie itself or its effects. As the city of Clitoris is nothing more than painted water, perfume bottles, a dildo and other phallic objects. Then you have the butt plug space ships, a vibrator space ship and my favorite Slurpee cup lid space ships. All of which are supported by string and fishing line. Which is far worse than the Ed Wood effects of the 50's and 60's.

I can literally say that I was longing for a "Plan Nine from Outer Space" space ship instead of the butt plug that was used as a ship. I guess because I prefer pie tins over butt plugs? Maybe it is just a personal preference either which way it was just horrible. Sadly it was not the worst thing in this movie. I would either say character costumes, make up or maybe the set pieces all made of cardboard. Would be the ultimate killers of this movie.

Even then they are as bad as a butt plug space ship. I can not believe I can not get that image out of my mind. Hell I am going to have dreams about it. Captain we are heading to the planet Uranus and heading into the space port Sphincter 1. Followed by the Captain replying is the Space Port lubed and ready Lieutenant? As the Lieutenant replies Yes Captain she is K-Y'ed and ready for us to land.

Just this alone scares me more than all of the acting, bad props and horrible script. Because I will never get this sight out of my head ever. I know Doris Fish meant well and loved making this movie. As you can see her passion in finishing this movie. But what she unleashed on this world is just plain awful. It is so awful that this became the first movie in the history of my movie review that I actually got drunk watching.

I could not tolerate it. I hated it and I wanted more than anything for it to end. Which when it did left me with a feeling of thanks. Then a follow up of OH SHIT! As the movie laid the groundwork for a sequel that will never come as Doris Fish is dead. So if there is a silver lining it is this. Doris Fish is dead and this movie and all sequels died with her. The flip side Doris Fish's death was a blessing as people can not tell her how shitty her movie is.

Either which way you look at this. It is not a happy ending for her or for us. If you want to do yourself a favor just avoid this movie. But if you want to see a bunch of drag queens who can not act and look as if they are in horrid Halloween costumes. Dancing, singing and playing around in cardboard sets. Then by all means enjoy your personal torture. But do me a favor do not come bitching at me if you like my hate your life after you watch this or you go to the bottle for liquid courage to finish.

It is your fault at that point. So adieu and peace.

My Rating: The scale is broken for crappy movies. I just can not put up a number that equals the low point of this movie. So be creative and come up with your own number.

 

Friday, July 22, 2011

Movie Review # 139 Defiance (2002)


Release: 2002
Director: Doveed Linder

Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 40% Audience Fresh
IMDb: 3.1/10 
Netflix: 2.6 Stars

Review:
It is a sad day in the world of modern westerns. With each passing week I see another failure in the genre. None more egregious in nature than "Defiance" as it is at its heart. Nothing more than a soulless, poorly written, acted and directed movie. That is not only a shame to Westerns but a shame to anyone who works in the movie industry. Which is not a slap in the face but a statement of fact.

From the opening scene to the ending of the movie. You are lost to what is going on. As the movie never develops the characters or lays out the ground work of a good verse evil story line. Instead what we get is passing flashbacks that serve little to no purpose and action that you can see in your backyard. As you watch young boys play Cowboys and Indians. Complete with you dead lines as the young children forget that they are and fall with the grace of a rotten sack of potatoes. As they ham it up.

Which this movie has a few times. But as bad as all of it is. The worst part is the make up. That is just terrible. There a scenes that you can tell its just glued on. To others where it is obviously a dummy. As in the last scene of the movie. Where a man has his head blown clean through. It is cheesy it is laughable and it is terrible. Sadly you can not turn your head away in agony as you are to busy laughing at the total crappy nature of the movie.

That is grainy, poorly cut and shot. To the obvious use of strawberry jelly, corn syrup and my favorite on the movie. A man who uses a water bottle to make it look like he is peeing on another man. It was that scene half way through that made me throw my hands up and say. "Why the fuck am I still watching this." But as some of you know. I can not walk away no matter how terrible it is. Now if there was a silver lining in this movie.

It is this the movie is over before you know it. As it is an hour and five minutes long. With a seven minute long credit line. That is best forgotten as it offers nothing and is so slow that it shall and can induce comas. Which is not saying the rest of the film can not. Because believe me it can. As you feel your brains rot with the total craptastic nature of the movie.

Now I am one who loves Westerns and B-Films and this is just my opinion. This is a movie best avoided by all in the world. As it is easier to go into the country with your friends and your handicam. Then stop by the local Western Store and buy some clothes and props. Then go shoot your own movie. Than watch this as it is what these fools did. Just if you do it yourself you have the memories and will more than likely shoot a better movie than this one. So go have fun and make your own movie and just skip this one or just vote it down out of principal.

Because no man, woman or child deserves to have to see this. Hell if I could go back I would have told my younger self to avoid this. But then you wouldn't have this review. Now would ya?

My Rating: 0 out of 5 Stars



video

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Movie Review # 138 Razortooth (2007)


Release: 2007
Director: Patricia Harrington
Writer(s): Jack Monroe, Matt Holly
Cast: Doug Swander, Kathleen LaGue, Simon Page


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 15% Audience Fresh
IMDb: 3.5/10
Netflix: 2.6 Stars


Review:
Oh the creature feature. The formally bread and butter of the Horror movie genre. That was before the gross out horror movies like Saw and Hostel took hold. Sadly though this creature feature took cues from both of those movies as its gore factor is exceedingly high and the production value is exceedingly low. Which makes it a palatable and laughable mess of a movie.

The plot is as cookie cutter as you can get. Giant monstrous creature that eats and kills with out thinking. A relationship that was on the rocks is now back together. The teen leads become an item and all the cliche characters die in a more outlandish fashion than the last. The only good thing you know what you are getting before you dive into this movie.  As it is just generic and silly.

Seriously if you do not laugh in the first five minutes of this movie. You have no reason left to watch. As you are the type that this movie is not made for. Hell I laughed and I am admit I might just be the demographic. Just because I watch everything and despite all of that. I still did not enjoy this movie as I kept calling the shots through out the movie. From this is how and why this person will die. To the ultimate end of the movie where they explain that the creature is a diabetic and how they will try and kill it with sugar.

As they hinted at it earlier. Just so you know. It doesn't work it never works. Just like trying to electrocute any creature doesn't work. You just have to blow it up! Which they do here as well only to lead on to another cliched scene where there are multiple killer creatures left. That where the offspring of the original. Which honestly I hope never get's made. As this movie is just a crappy version of Lake Placid and Anaconda both of which have nearly the same plot and story.

But unlike those. This movie had one thing those did not. The token black man who dies for no reason. Hell from this movie you would think that only white people existed as they are the only ones in this movie. Yet it takes place in the swamps in Florida? The last time I checked they where very culturally diverse there? But this is Hollywood and it wasn't filmed in Florida but in California based souly on the License Plates of the cars scene in and around the movie. Well at least the ones which didn't have white gaffers tape.

Talking about tape. There was a ton of it. From cars to hats to even shirts. Anything that they could tape over they did and it was down right fun. Just watching for the tape to rear its shiny little head again and again. I honestly think that was my favorite part of this movie. Was spotting the tape. It is the really the only reason I finished it as the rest of the movie was boring in a been there done that way. With nothing refreshing, scary or enjoyable about it.

Which in all honesty is not sad really. As creature feature movies are a dime a dozen and hopes of finding one that is original or has anything original is hard to find these days. As Hollywood and the B-Film industry stick to what works and that is sticking to a established formula that works. Sadly that formula is stale and needs of  replacing and I hope one day it does. But as this movie stands you can say you watched it with out ever seeing it as it presents nothing new at all. As it should only be viewed by people who love watching creature feature specials.

My Rating 0 out of 5 Stars



Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Movie Review # 137 Ransom of Red Chief (1998)

Release: 1998
Director: Bob Clark
Writer(s): O. Henry, Ed Naha
Cast: Haley Joe Osment, Christopher Lloyd, Michael Jeter, Alan Ruck


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 42% Audience Fresh
IMDb: 5.8/10
Netflix: 3.2 Stars


Review:
Every movie has a origin and this one takes us back to the short story written in 1910 by O. Henry otherwise known as William Sydney Porter. Who was a colorful and well published author for his times. With this being his most famous story and most used in modern film. As it is the story of a spoiled brat who get's either kidnapped or is neglected and how he/she becomes friends with the kidnappers or as in the movie the toy with Richard Pryor.

He is selected to be a toy and is abused by the tyrant of a child. Till he ultimately becomes friends with him. Which is prevalent here as well. But in role reversal as the kid is the one kidnapped and abuses his captors. Which is enjoyable to a fault as it keeps alive a tradition of movie magic that has thrived for years. It also proves another thing simple stories can carry a movie and make you laugh and feel good at the end.

Which this movie does fully and thoughtfully despite its overly goofy ending and great escape moments. All of which are straight out slapstick. That not only falls into the lead actors (Christopher Lloyd and Michael Jeter) forte both of whom have a strong comedic background. It also shows that Haley Joel Osment was a star in the making as he showcased an amazing stage presence through out the movie. That was well beyond his years.

Seeing Haley in this movie and comparing it to his major blockbusters. Is not a night and day proposition. It is clearly there to be seen. As his acting is not only wonderful and charming. It is straight up amazing to boot. Which just over states the fact that he was a meant to be a star and this movie showcased it. Now if you are looking for a family friendly enjoyable movie.

This movie is perfect for you especially if your family is into the Old West. That or just need a fun diversion from modern movies of blowing things up and potty humor as this movie sticks to a clean slapstick nature that is fun and entertaining. Yet never insulting. Which in my book makes it a perfect movie for both parents and children alike and gets my seal of approval.

My Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Stars


Trailer not found.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Movie Review # 136 Kinky Killers [Polycarp] (2007)


Release: 2007
Director: George Lekovic
Writer(s):Ken Del Vecchio, Brandon Slagle
Cast: Michael Pare, Charles Durning, Berverly Lynne


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 0% Audience Fresh
IMDb: 3.5/10
Netflix: 1.9 Stars


Review:
Kinky Killers or Polycarp as it is formally known as. Should be re-titled PolyCRAP or any other horrible acronym you can up with for a shitty film. As this movie is a straight to the burn pile special with little to nothing of value either in plot, production or value. It is simply just a waste of time and effort in movie production and money.

So what makes this movie Kinky Crappers so bad? Let's start off with the story that has no legs. It is about Biblical passages about the second coming of Christ or in this case the Devil and how they need sever different body parts to fulfill the seven churches in the book of Revelations. Sadly this plot point which is ultimately the main plot point is never brought out till the last twenty minutes of the movie. At which point the lead up to it is nil and the suspense of which is completely non-existent because of the poorly written script.

Instead what get is a scene of a badly shot murder. Followed by a scene bad acting and then a sex scene. This pacing is persistent and so boring through out that you can honestly fast forward to each badly shot sex scene and say this is your movie here. Which equates to little more than a hand job special skinamax production that even puts those films to shame.

All because this movie tried to be serious and fails in every possible way. To a point that if you make it to the end you wish for you death at the hands of the cast. As they have poked and prodded your soul to the brink of death with its complete and horrible nature. But nothing beats the saddest part of this damn movie. That is seeing a wonderful actor being reduced to a shell of a man that he is.

That being the great Charles Durning whose acting credits include such movies as Dog Day Afternoon and the Sting. I do not know if he was hurting for cash or just wanted one of those last hurrahs? Either which way he was a wasted talent on screen and hardly the gruff and raw actor of his youth. Which is so very sad and demoralizing to see.

Which is even more sad as this is the black spot on a wonderful career for Mr. Durning thankfully it is not enough to make me ever hate him. As he will always be Lt. Wm. Snyder to me from The Sting and not this hallowed carcass of a man in this PolyCraptastic movie!

My Rating 0 out of 5 Stars



Monday, July 18, 2011

Movie Review # 135 The Last Lovecraft: The Relic of Cthulu (2009)


Release: 2009
Director: Henry Saine

Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 29% Audience Fresh
IMDb: 5.6/10
Netflix: 2.9 Stars

Review:
NERD RAGE!! Oh wait no I am NERD IMPRESSED! Not am I ecstatic I am so thoroughly shocked that I am gleefully happy. Not only was this movie wonderfully funny it does not destroy the source material. It expands it and makes its own and with enough flair that it will leave your inner Nerd Hulk inside gleeful and happy. 

The principal plot of the movie is about Charlie "The Last Lovecraft" and how he is supposed to save the world and ultimately does. Which is a simple and very well done plot line. It is also one of the funniest things about this movie as the guy is completely against it. As he see's everything is coming true and the more that happens the more he becomes the person he was meant to be. Which is the savior of the world.

During this trial by fire he meets and becomes friends with two new people. Other than his best friend and overly geeky room mate Jeff (Kyle Davis). The first one being the Cthulu loving nerd Paul (Barak Hardley) and the Sea Captain Olaf (Gregg Lawrence). With this quartet in full action they take on the Deep One's and Starspawn the great General of Cthulu (Ethan Wilde). 

The nice part of this movie is that the actors did a wonderful job in conveying the script to film. They honestly where believable and very funny. I would honestly put this up against "Shawn of the Dead" as a homage to Cthulu with a comedic twist. It is really and honestly a funny movie. Even as funny as it is some of its funny moments are not intentional. Take the opening scene on the boat. With the men getting killed. I was laughing at the CGI blood and guts effects.

Then you have the Deep One's who look like plastic, rubber and spandex action figures only being worn by a human being. Thankfully that just adds to the campy nature of the movie instead of detracting from it. Which made me love this movie all that much more. Simply I just enjoyed this film for what it was worth and want to watch it again. As it goes up with some of my all time favorite game and horror franchise list. That list includes "The Guild", "Legend of Neil" and "Gamers: Dorkness Rising". Just as a short list.

If you are a fan of any of those then give this movie a shot. As it will not only make you laugh out loud. It will make you want to pull up your forgotton H.P. Lovecraft novels and dive into them again. That or in my case pull out the Cthulu RPG and plan a day of Squidfaced monsters killing and maiming your friends. But that is just me though.

My Rating 4.5 out of 5 Stars

Friday, July 15, 2011

Movie Review # 134 Bad Batch (2010)


Release: 2010
Director: Abe Schwartz
Writer: Abe Schwartz
Cast: J.R. Lemon, Jessica Watkins, Lionel Sam


Ratings:
Rotten Tomaotes: N/A
IMDb: N/A
Netflix: 2.1 Stars


Review:
Bad Batch... Oh Bad Batch..... What can I say? I will start with the positives. It is nicely shot and the outtakes are great fun. The rest of this pathetic excuse of a movie needs to be burned and sent back to the depths of Hell that it was spawned from. As harsh as that sounds it can not change the fact that I honestly hated this movie.

The reasons I hated are as such. The movie was like a poorly written and acted afternoon "Do Not Do Drugs!" special. Then there is the story of codeine laced pot that was supposed to add to the movie and all it did is add more agony to a already boring movie. That is all about three people having a bad trip. Which honestly was so boring that I wished for the days of seeing my friends and their trips. As this movie clearly has no idea what trips do to people.

Top it off the movie is mostly inner dialogue of each person. Which is spoke clearly and concisely and this is all while they are stoned? That alone is egregious and just down right pathetic. But if there is a bright side to this movie it is this. You can mute the movie and do your own monologue to the film. Which would make it funnier and more entertaining. Just finding the friends that would want to will be the hardest part.

As this movie deserves a cremation more than a viewing. On the bright side this movie is so awful that it will remind people of Tommy Wiseau's 'The Room" as this movie plays out at that movies pace. Which is slow boring and damn near lethargic. All of which does not make for a good movie environment. Now if you are into those things by all means enjoy this badly done after school special. If not go rent "Pineapple Express" as that movie fits the stone culture so much better than this laughably bad movie.

My Rating 0 out of 5 Stars



Thursday, July 14, 2011

Movie Review # 133 Sorority Girls' Revenge (2001)


Release: 2001
Director: Keith Warn
Writer: Keith Warn
Cast: Keith Warn, Stacy Oliver, Kevin Wortman


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 57% Audience
IMDb: 4.0/10
Netflix: 1.7 Stars


Review:
Bad movies. Oh BAD MOVIES! They are so plentiful and abundant and I have said many times. This is the worst movie ever! You know what folks I have to change that. I need to go to "This is the worst movie I have seen to date." or "This is the worst movie I have watched this year." I literally have to come up with something as these shitastic piece of works keep showing up for me to review. It is not like these movies try to be good as they go along the lines of cliche's fulled crap and bad acting.

Some just outright suck and they do not care what the critics or audience think. To them you paid to see it or you rented it and saw it. All you are is a dollar sign and we got chumped. So I will admit I was a chump. I watched Sorority Girl's Revenge and thought it would be entertaining. Maybe a bit naughty, maybe a bit gory and maybe a classic B-Film that deserves merit for its rough nature.

Oh NO! I was so wrong. As this movie takes a porn plot line of abandoned Sorority Girls and turns from porn to a PG-13 crapfest. How this movie got an R rating is beyond me as there is no sex, no foul language and the stuff you see on screen is no worse than a Victoria Secret commercial. Yet somehow it did and it is this type of blatant misleading that made me want to scream. As the title and the look make it look to be a grundge film or a slasher film.

Not a single camera shot film that has an actual scene with the director and his flipboard saying CUT! Yes folks it actually happens. You see the fucking board. You see the name of the movie and everything. Not only did it happen once! It happened twice. Yeah! Fucking wonderful. Sadly though that was the highlight of this movie as the plot of four girls sent to a cabin for a weekend was boring. The two guys who should have been killers. Where bumbling sex deprived retards!

Then the best of the bunch the leader of Sorority was such a bad actress that she was laughing as she was supposed to be scared. Seriously! Now if you make to that part of the movie which is at the end mind you. You will be so brain dead to not care anymore. You will be wishing for zombies to be gnawing on your now watery leftovers of a brain. That is just how I felt at the end of this.

Which says nothing about me as I think I have lost more brain cells in four months of doing this than in my lifetime. Thankfully I only have eight months left of this I believe. Then I am done for a while and this special place in Hell that I am living in will be done and gone. But I know I will be back doing this again at the end of this. I want to keep this going even if you the readers never see it.

It is just a way for me to vent and feel I am doing something. Even if it is just two hours a day.

My Rating: Negative infinite. Oh fuck just go see what I gave Skeleton Key 2: 666 Mark of the Beast and add negative 2 to it.





Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Movie Review # 132 Harder They Fall (2005)


Release: 2005
Director: Lee Cipolla
Writer: Lee Cipolla, A.J. Cipolla, Warren Christophel
Cast: Joshua Lamboy, Johnny Vieira, Rona Freeman


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 0% Audience 
IMDb: 4.8/10
Netflix: 2.4 Stars


Review:
Martial Art's films that deal with tournaments or championships fall into two catagories. One is the undiscovered fighter and the other is the untrained. Either which way you end up with the same ending and that is they win. The same can be said of this movie as it follows this pattern perfectly. Sadly though it has a very definite problem.

There is no villain to route against as both Max and Jesus are misunderstood teens. One is heir to a great boxer and the other is the diamond in the rough. Neither of them are true villains as you see yourself liking both. Max because he is pushed to hard and has great expectations placed on him. Jesus because he is from the wrong side of the tracks and has the world take a crap on him.

About three quarters of the way through the movie. The script takes a flip as they try and frame up Max as villain and then just as quickly they pin it on his trainer. Talk about a step forward then a step backwards. It was at this point that I quit caring for the movie. As it is just a bad version of Rocky or The Karate Kid. Which is sad as the movie showed great promise despite its low budget feel and amazingly low brow sound effects.

Seriously I love hearing badly place sound effects like someone being hit, when on screen you see a whiff. It is classic funny and entertaining. Which is all you or anyone can truly ask for in a movie. Just do not plan on being engaged or enjoying the story. Because there isn't one honestly. Just sit back and enjoy the cheesy fights as that is what this movie is worth. That and Jesus's Grandma she is so terribly funny that I want a soundtrack of her badness! That is just wishful thinking.

My Rating 2 out of 5 Stars



Monday, July 11, 2011

Movie Review # 131 Outerworld (1987)


Release:
Director: Phillip J. Cook
Writer: Phillip J. Cook
Cast: Tracy Davis, Hans Bachmann, Michael Mack


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: #1 0% Audience Rotten Tomatoes: #2 50% Audience
IMDb: 4.6/10
Netflix: 2.4 Stars


Review:
As a gamer it is rare to see a movie that closely resembles a video game. But this movie does as it takes a course of action scene in the video game series Mass Effect. Where humanity made huge leaps forward by discovering and backwards engineering alien technology. But when a new piece shows up the race to claim it takes place and they send in their best man/woman for the job.

That plot goes in with both of them. You can literally sub in Pentan for Sheppard and nearly have the same person in either role. Now outside of that they could not be more vastly different. As the acting, writing, effects and story in Mass Effect are far more engaging and less cliched and filled with silliness. What can I say though other than they are also nearly twenty years apart in their makings. Even then this gap shows the vast technology difference of then and now.

But and this a definitive but here. Outerworld changed its name when it was re-released with better graphics and cgi! Phillip Cook pulled a George Lucas and redid scenes and animations! Why yes he did and damn do they stick out like a sore thumb. Just like George he was not happy with his original work and got some money and did it all again changing the movie from Star-Quest that originally showed on Sci-Fi to what is known as today Outerworld or is it what is called on IMDb Beyond the Rising Moon? Uh I have no clue let's move on the the next part.

That being a scene about a third into the movie where Pentan and Brickman are standing Brickman's space ship. Looking at a computer screen. When they are panned out you see the outdated and fun graphics. But when they pan in the graphics change to the more modern version. It is this type of movie failure that made me love this movie. As it was a piece of crap that now has bows on it. Which still makes it a piece of crap.

But now it has a little bit of flair and maybe some turn nail polish and lipstick. Because that is exactly how the graphics look in this movie. They are not terrible but they stick out terribly. As the rest of the movie is grainy and pooly lit. Only to see amazing bright space ships pop up on screen. Now I do have some kudos to give out and that being the stages. Not only where they good they where done on a budget.

Which is even more amazing as this film in total was shot for less than $200k when it first came out. With the special effects I have no clue. Maybe it was paid with the royalties he got from Sci-Fi? I honestly do not care as this movie has moments of grandeur and fun. Enough so that any moderate Sci-Fi fan will find this movie enjoyable for an afternoon. Maybe even enough to call their friends and say "Hey come over and see this B-Film." Which is all you can ask for a movie of this nature.

My Rating: 2.25 out of 5 Stars

Movie Review # 130 Apocalypse: Caught in the Eye of the Storm


Release: 1998
Director: Peter Gerretsen
Writer(s): Peter Lalonde, Paul Lalonde
Cast: Leigh Lewis, Richard Nester, Sam Bornstein

Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: n/a 
IMDb: 4.5/10
Netflix: 3.2 Stars

Review:
"I want to open that this review is not against Christianity and that this review is souly on production of this movie. "
Judgement movies and apocalypse movies are a dime a dozen in Christian circles. They are used as part propoganda and part means to make people money. But the one thing that they all share in common is this. They are made for no one but Christians. As their over preachy nature and over zealous religious overtones run rampant and shun away the people that they are trying to convert.

This movie is no exception as it was one of the first of these movies. Which is honestly sad as it set the bar so low. That the long list of movies that followed only had do marginally better to exceed the crap factor that this movie has. Thankfully it is that crap factor that made this movie enjoyable for the first thirty minutes of the movie. As the acting, action and special effects where so laughable that I nearly peed myself.

Which was something I was not expecting. Sadly that was short lived as that action goofy film fades and it becomes a race against time to find God. Which really is where the movie loses steam and loses viewers that are not devout to the faith. Because they shift gears so suddenly and go so preachy that the story suffers from the weight of the Biblical literature. It is not the only thing this movie suffers from though.

It is that when humans go to Heaven they leave their clothes neatly folded and everything stowed nicely. Be it on a ladder, a chair or a car seat. It was at this moment that the movie lost me. All because if someone disappears are we really going to see folded clothes? That and no underwear in the mix. Seriously folks there where no socks, undies, bras or anything other than outerwear. 

In this world do people not wear them? I am just being nit picky and poking fun. But it is a question I want answers to. Which they never answer or talk about in the movie as the leads fall in love with God all to easily and the struggle of each is underwhelming and very boring. Especially since this movie bills itself as people coming to and finding God in a struggle. Well there was really no struggle here as the writing followed the paint by numbers mythos to a perfect T.

Which as far as Christian movies go it is more of the same. Wait no it is the flag bearer of this generation of film making. It doesn't matter either which way you look at this movie. If you are a Christian you will love this movie and find it enjoyable as it is made for you. If you are a movie critic and not one you will find this movie unbearable and annoying. 

As this movie has no middle ground. Unlike movies like Passion of the Christ or even some of the funnier religious movies out there like Sister Act. This movie is simply made for one sect nothing more nothing less and as reviewer I can on recommend it for that section of society.

My Rating: 0 out of 5 Stars (this is souly on the make up, action, writing and acting of the movie nothing more.)


Saturday, July 9, 2011

Movie Review # 129 Narcosys (2000)


Release: 2000
Director: Mark Bakaitis
Writer: Adam Breasley
Cast: Mia Kate Russell, Todd James, Matt Trihey


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 38% Audience
IMDb: 2.8/10
Netflix: 1.6 Stars


Review:
I want to keep this extremely short. Maybe it will be as short as two paragraphs short as I have nothing of value to say about this movie. As it is a movie about nothing and all that it does have is awful and not worth talking about. So let's go and dive into a pile of shit and hope I do not get corn stuck in my fucking hair. Narcosys is part Bladerunner part Matrix and a ton of shit piled with vomit and bile.

The plot of this movie if you can find is a group or rejects want to score clean drugs. Which they will kill for all because the main villain the giant IT Corporation is putting viruses into the new stock. So people are scared of it and yet still want their kicks. So what this movie devolves into is a BDSM fuckfest filled with plot holes, transparent characters and loads of gas mask wearing fuck ups.

It is this lack of knowledge and priming of crappy story telling that drives this movie. As each progressive moment adds to the confusion and the insanity it induces in the viewer. To the point that you quit caring and want to walk away from this horrible piece of shit. Which I did not and if you make it through you will scream "What the FUCK!?" at the top of you lungs when it ends. As it has no closure and leaves you asking more questions.

It is this level of shit that people assume all B-Movies fall into. Sadly this one is not worth the film that is stored on. Nor is it worth ever subjecting yourself to. So do yourself a favor and everyone a favor and tell your friends to just avoid this for their health and sanity.

My Rating Negative -4 out of 5 Stars



Friday, July 8, 2011

Movie Review # 128 A Pig's Tail (1996)


Release: 1996
Director: Paul Tassie
Writer(s): Todd Richardson, Scott Sandorf, Charles Ransom
Cast: Joe Flaherty, Sean Babb, Mike Damus


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: n/a
IMDb: 5.5/10
Netflix: 2.8 Stars


Review:
I want to start off with this. I love children's movies as I never let go of my inner child. So that means I look forward to watching movies like this "A Pig's Tail" sadly though this movie proved to me that hopes and dreams of a great movie sometimes lead down a path of cliched story lines and bad acting. As this movie is a teen version of "Revenge of the Nerds" or a copy of the Disney movie "Heavyweights" and a poorly done one at that.

The plot of the movie is simple a group of rejects rebuild their house while at camp. As they discover who they are all the while fighting off the Wolves the popular rich kids of the world. I am fine with this story arc as it is proven and concise. Sadly though the rest of the film falls flat on it's face. With minor plots involving magical lake girls to a overlying teen love story that never materializes at all.

Instead of focusing on those plots the movie delves into the potty humor of fart, burp and puke jokes. Then tosses in elaborate Rube Goldberg inventions where the kids set up traps for the other group. All the while it is this sense of disconnect that drives you mad as you wish they would stick to the plot points. Instead of just focusing on the revenge factor that they so proudly display.

I am not a parent and I am just an Aunt. But I could not find a reason for my niece to watch this. Nor could I find a reason for other children to watch this either. As movies like this are straight to the dollar bin purchases. Which is not sad as their are vastly greater movies that have the same premise as this one. Take this short list of movies as examples. The Mighty Ducks, Heavyweights, Camp Nowhere, and The Sandlot. All of them share a common bond and that is kids overcoming and being something.

Yet they all did not resolve themselves into potty humor to make a quick laugh. Yes some has scenes of this behavior but often it was either for a quick laugh or for making a point. Which this movie did not. It was the soul purpose to make you squirm as the joke wore on through out as each poorly done burp and fart passed on screen.

It is sad as this movie had potential and it squandered it. If you are looking for a cheap time killing option for a summer afternoon you can do worse. But just do not expect you or your kids to thoroughly enjoy this movie as it leaves wanting more than what it brings.

My Rating: 2 Stars out of 5


No Trailer was found for this movie.









Thursday, July 7, 2011

Movie Review # 128 Rubber (2010)


Release: 2010
Director: Quentin Dupieux
Writer: Quentin Dupieux 
Cast: Steven Spinella, Roxanne Mesquida, Wings Hauser


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 68% Critics 50% Audience 
IMDb: 5.9/10 
Netflix: 2.9 Stars


Review:
There are B-Films then there are B-FILMS! Those movies that are so out there that they develop a cult following. Take these movies as examples Swamp Thing, Toxic Avenger, Rocky Horror and Repo! The Genetic Opera. These movies are not only amazing they are entertaining and just weird. They also have that it factor that makes people fall in love with them. The same can be said of Rubber.

It is outlandish and simple. At the same time it is funny and peculiar and yet engaging. I can honestly say I have never seen a movie like this before. The closest one I an think of is my Killer Condom and even then that movie has nothing on Rubber. Which is saying a lot as I loved that movie. So what is Rubber about? Well it is the story about nothing and yet something. I know you are probably going huh? Right about now. Now let me explain it is the story of Robert a forgotten tire.

Who comes to life and discovers he has physic powers and uses them to kill, maim and destroy people, animals and inanimate objects. With not rhyme or reason just because he can. All the while we have a group of people who are in the middle of a desert watching the movie unfold. But are not part of it other than they are watching Robert do his thing. Now here is where the movie just get's weird. About half way through the movie the accountant (Jack Plotnick) gets a phone call from the Master.

Which causes him to freak out a little and for some reason has a turkey in his room. That he kills and cooks and gives it to the people watching the movie. When all the sudden all of them get stomach pains because it was poisoned and they die. Simple clean and utterly stupid except one of them did not eat it. Then laughs at everyone and tells them he is going to finish the movie. Which he does and he just like everyone else dies in the end at the hands of the tire.

All except the Sheriff (Stephen Spinella) who is magically stupid and yet brilliant. As he tells people that the movie is over and proves that it is a movie. Only to find out that one of the people watching the movie did not eat the turkey and is forced to continue the movie. Which causes a ton of funny moments as you can tell that he wants nothing more to do with it. Especially after watching the tire the blow off the head of a man in front of him.

That one scene is priceless as he pulls out a sheet of paper and reads it. Then tosses as he walks away in disgust. It is scenes like this where the movie wins points. As it has no point and no purpose other than to be gory and silly. It may also be the reason this movie wins over fans and develops a cult following once word of mouth spreads. As it is fun and entertaining and yet a perfect film to make fun of and come up with your own lines for.

As a majority of the movie is silent except for the noise of the tire as it rolls around. I just have to admit this movie is alluring and enjoyable. It is also easily one of my favorite films of this year long movie review marathon. When I do my half way countdown of the ten best and worst. This will defiantly be on the top 10 list of best films. As I loved it thoroughly and want to watch it again and again. As it stands as one of the best artistic films of recent years.

My Rating: 4.5 Stars out of 5



Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Movie Review # 127 Mutant Hunt (1987)


Release: 1987
Director: Tim Kincaid A.K.A. Joe Gage A.K.A Mac Larson
Writer: Tim Kincaid A.K.A. Joe Gage A.K.A Mac Larson
Cast: Rick GianasiMary Fahey, Ron Reynaldi


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 18% Audience
IMDb: 2.9/10
Netflix: 1.9 Stars


Review:
Everybody makes these following statements when watching crappy films. "This movie is shot like a porn!" or "Man the acting in this movie makes porn look good." I want to let you in on something folks the director of this movie directs more than crappy sci-fi films. He is one the biggest and most famous straight to jerk off heaven Gay Porn directors.

Although he does not use his real name for those. Instead choosing to go by the name Joe Gage. But I am not done with this gentlemen. He has a third alter ego and that is Mac Larson who also does Gay Porn but they are more hardcore than Joe Gage's. With this knowledge in tow and know that he wrote and directed all of this crap I knew I was in for trouble as soon as the movie started.

Not because of his Porn past but because the starting shot was a static picture with a cutout laid on top stating that this building was some type of corporation. Yea that is comforting and it just goes downhill from there. As the script is as paper thin as well a porn. It is about a man who wants to set out a legion of cyborgs to kill New York City. Only to let out three to kill a woman who escaped. All the while a band of misfits are out to stop him from doing what he wants.

Yet that is not the main plot. The main plot is everyone wanting a make believe drug called Euphoran which is supposed to stimulate the sex drive of anyone who uses it and making them sex filled beasts. But using to much can cause you to go on a killing spree. Yet for some reason it turns cyborgs into pleasure seeking killing machines. As if cyborgs get off by anything yet alone killing.

I guess that is the porn past coming into the present time of this crap film. Either which way you look at it. This movie is gory, stupid and just down right annoying. It insults anything and anyone who has a love for sci-fi. It is so out in left field that not even devout bad film fans can find any enjoyment in this movie. All because this movie takes itself so seriously that it is not fun to watch as actors stumble over lines, porn music blares and the action is so pathetic that it is best to sit back and watch to five year old's beat each other up with over sized boxing gloves.

That would be more entertainment than this movie can provide any sensible adult out there. It is just one move that needs to be avoided at all costs. If you want crappy writing and crappy porn music then watch a porn. Because what you get with this movie is a porn that is all fluff no sex and just as horrible. Seriously who wants to watch a movie like this? I sure as hell do not and I am sure most of you out there do not either.

My Rating: 0 out of 5 Stars





Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Movie Review # 126 Glenn: The Flying Robot (2010)


Release: 2010
Director: Marc Goldstein
Writer: Marc Goldstein
Cast: Billy Boyd, Dominic Gould, Patrick Bauchau

Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: n/a
IMDb:  3.5/10
Netflix: 2.5 Stars


Review:
Glenn: The Flying Robot has one of those titles that makes little no sense once you get into the movie. As it tells you nothing about the movie what so ever. Other than Glenn flies and that is it. It doesn't tell you that Glenn plays the piano and is a cheap bastardized version of Bicentennial Man who was played by Robin Williams or that the robots look as if they are rejects from the Robots cartoon that starred again Robin Williams.

What it does tell you is that this movie has no personality. With a plot based on revenge that materializes into nothing. Old friends who became enemies are friends again and a robot who is out to kill someone by ways of a drunken rampage by his owner. As bad as all of this is this movie has one saving grace. The music is fantastic and I honestly watched it through all because of the piano playing. Which was not only grand and beautiful it was majestic and serene.

I just I could say that about the cast and my biggest bitch is this. Why in the Hell did they get a voice actor to over Gerard Depardieu? Seriously he is possibly the greatest French actor ever and then they go and do a voice over for him. Also another complaint why does Glenn have a female voice. Talk about issues there he is supposed to be a smart bot and sounds like a hot girl. You know all of the other robots will pick on him. Yea good job their.

Now I am just being nitpicky and for that I am sorry. It is just I love movies dealing with Robots. Be it Bicentennial Man, I Robot, Robots or A.I. All of which I adore and love and I wanted to add this movie to those. Sadly I can not as I felt that this movie was heartless, boring and poorly executed at least on the animation side. The acting is bearable if not tolerable nothing more and nothing less.

Sadly that is all this movie is worth and that is tolerable. It will appease an afternoon and not make you cry for your mom. But it will not stick with you or make you fall in love with it. Except for the music which cause me to pull out my Brahms cd's and listen to them. For that I am thankful.

My Rating: 2 out of 5 Stars





Monday, July 4, 2011

Movie Review # 126 Drawn Together Movie: The Movie (2010)


Release: 2010
Director: Greg Franklin
Writer(s): Matthew Silverstein, Dave Jesser
Cast: Adam Carolla, Jess Harnell, Seth McFarlane 

Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 51% Audience
IMDb: 6.3/10
Netflix: 3.2 Stars


Review:
Everyone has there shows that they call they sick fetish. It could be Soap Operas, Reality TV, Day Time Talk Shows or for me Drawn Together. I fell in love with this show when it first premiered back in 2004. Mainly because it took Link from Legend of Zelda and turned him into a sniviling, whiny gay poster child of humanity. It was this sense of humor that ran rampant through this show.

It never had a point and was wrong just because it could be wrong. Unlike South Park, Tripping the Rift or even Family Guy. This show just ripped up the censors notes and said "FUCK YOU!!" Which all of them have done but none so over the top as Drawn Together. Which was also part of the problem is that once you did everything you could in the show. There was nothing left and it was part of the reason it was canceled as it became a running recycled gag.

As sad as it was seeing this how fall from grace. I still loved it and when I found out about this movie. I had to watch it.In hopes of rekindling my love for a long lost friend and this movie does not disappoint. If you are a fan of Drawn Together not only will you love this movie. You will wish for more of the TV show that will never be. As the cast tries to get a point for their show to get back on the air.

Only to come to the point that they do not like making points. All the while they are running from a robot who is out to kill them and a crazed man who want's them dead. It simply is just Drawn Together on a grand scale and it is so over the top that it had me in tears more than once. Unfortunately though this movie is also the end of these characters or so we are lead to believe. As they are erased/killed at the end of the movie.

Which in cartoons never ever happens and if the fans want more. They will come back and believe me I sure hope they do. I can not live a life of never seeing Princess Clara, Spanky Ham, Captain Hero, Ling-Ling, Xandir P. Whifflebottom, Foxy Love, Toot Braunstein and Wooldoor Sockbat. These characters are in bedded in me and so many others around the world.

That we can never forget or let go of them. Because they are just so memorable and loved. So do yourself a favor if you loved your Drawn Together time on Comedy Central. Then you will love this movie as it closes a chapter in a wonderful show in an amazing fashion. It is also a great way just relive those moments of What the Fuck! Now I bid adieu and a heartfelt good bye to my friends from Drawn Together. You will be missed but never forgotten.





Sunday, July 3, 2011

Movie Review # 125 Dollman vs Demonic Toys

Release:
Director: Charles Band
Writer(s): Charles Band
Cast: Tim Thomerson, Melissa Behr


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 28% Audience
IMDb: 3.6/10
Netflix: 2.8 Stars


Review:
Movie mashups are wonderful if done right. Take for example Freddy vs Jason. As it took the highs of both series and made it a wonderful movie. You can say the same thing about some aspects of the Aliens vs Predators series as well. But when you start getting into the B-Movie genre of Dollman vs Demonic Toys you are asking for trouble as neither is remotely linked or can possibly be joined.

As one is sci-fi and the other is popcorn horror. So going I had my reservations and they where extremely founded by the end. As half of this sixty-four minute movie is scenes from both series as well as a third movie not listed Bad Channels. Now that that 30 minutes of back story is done and gone what you are left with is a quarter movie. That has some wonderful moments in campy cheesy B-Film nostalgia.

But is not enough to dig your teeth into and run with. As the movie trailer which is provided below tells the entire plot of the movie and how it ends pretty much. With nothing new to add or anything as all the best parts are laid out for you. Which is sad as this is seen as one of the first if not the first of the mashup movies. It thankfully is not the benchmark for these kid of movies.

As it just started the genre and no one really copied this movies God awful plot or writing style. So if anything as a piece of history this movie is worth watching. As for any other reason there is not. Just watch the trailer and move on with your life. As this movie has nothing of value to share what so ever.