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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Movie Review # 71 The Mystical Adventures of Billy Owens (2008)

Release: 2008
Director: Mark McNabb
Mark McNabb (story)
Virginia Caraway (screenplay)
Charlie Fitgerald (screenplay)
Scott Jones (Story)
Casey Jones (Script Consultant)
Kelly Rae Irwin (Story)
Billy Cowan (voice over script)
Roddy Piper
Dalton Mugridge
Christopher Fazio
Ciara O'Hanlon

Rotten Tomatoes: 0% Audience
IMDb: 2.7/10 Stars
Netflix: 2.5 Stars

Harry Potter and oh wait this ins't Harry Potter. Thank God! This lump of crap is a Canadian straight to DVD movie. Which serves no purpose but to offend adults and children alike. As it leans heavily on Harry Potter and I mean heavily. Billy Owens turns 11 on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. No folks that is not a typo it is really part of the plot. So young Billy Owens unlocks some magical abilities on his 11th birthday.

Sounds like Harry Potter with out the barging in of Hagrid to make for a wonderful scene. Instead we have Mr. Thurgood who is played by WWE wrestling legend Roddy Piper. Who is a bastardized version of Dumbledore from Harry Potter. But I do have to say one thing. Roddy Piper should be cast in the role of Phil Harris of Deadliest Catch fame. If there ever is a movie of Phil's life. As Roddy's perfomance in this movie and voice mimiced the great Captain of the Cornelia Marie.

Just so you know that is is my only compliment for this movie. As the rest of the cast are straight rips from Harry Potter. The braniac girl Mandy rip of Hermione Granger, Devon the fearful and clumsy friend Ron Weasley. Even the villains of this movie are just rip offs of the Malfoy's. It is so apparent that the writing staff of this movie all five of them. Did I just write five for the writing staff? Holy crap no wonder this is awful five ideas running around makes for a bad movie.

Usually a writing staff is one to three at most as they can hammer out a good to decent story and script. This movie just fails as it has no transitions and just jumps from scene to scene. Even children would have a hard time with this movie. As it is not funny, enjoyable or even remotely entertaining. As with each passing second you wish you where somewhere but what watching this movie.

Especially when everyone is on screen but Roddy Piper. They all have the same problem and that is stuttering lines, or just ad libbing and not really trying. There is a scene on a bridge with Devon and Billy where Billy's acting is so terrible that it rates as one of the worst lines in movie history. Sadly it is just one of many in this movie. As it keeps topping it self with crappier and crappier scenes and acting.

Sadly though nothing beats the dragon of the film. It is supposed to a dragon imprisoned here in the United States by the Viking God Loki. But instead of being a English or European dragon. It is a Chinese dragon complete with the fu-manchu beard. Which is not only hilarous it is so bad that it made me spit up my soft drink. Because one you see it the first thought that goes through your head if your a gamer is.

Did they rip this dragon out of a Playstion one game? Maybe the Nintendo 64? It is just that bad and there is no way around it. Those scenes with the dragon have to be seen to be believed. As they show just how pathetic and crappy this movie is. I want to say there is more good about this movie than there is. It is just not possible as a Aunt I couldn't force or even ask my Niece to watch this.

Nor would I ever want to. It is torture to children and adults. Yet there is a bright side to this. As a fan of bad movies it has plenty to be made fun of. Even parodied with your friends or ad libbing of scenes. Outside of that there is nothing of value to this movie. Sadly though they made a sequel in 2009 called Billy Owens and the Secret Runes. Which is teased at the end of this movie. Just why they chose to actually do it is beyond me. So look for that review later this year.

My Rating 1/5 Stars

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