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Saturday, May 7, 2011

Movie Review # 68 The Fallen Ones (2005)

Release: 2005
Director: Keith VanHook 
Writer: Keith VanHook 
Tom Bosley
Robert Wagner
Casper Van Dien

Rotten Tomatoes: 25% Audience
IMDb: 3.6/10
Netflix: 2.6 Stars

Genesis 6:4 "There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of men, and they bore children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown."

That Bible Passage is the main plot of this movie. Where the fallen "Angel of Death" Amman the smiter of Gamora has laid with women and had children. All of whom became giants but one and how he protected them from God's wrath before he flooded the world. By moving each one of the to the four corners or the world. Alright I admit I am not a a fan of the Bible. 

But this movie seriously puts anyones faith to a test. As it is not following the Bible for one and breaks what is written. Two it is just insulting and the third even as action movie. It just falls flat and that is with what is seemingly a low to mid-range all star cast. Tom Bosely (Happy Days), Casper Van Dien (Starship Troopers) and Rober Wagner (Austin Powers 1-3). So no real expense was held back on this straight tv Sci-Fi original.

Wait I just answered my own question. It is a Sci-Fi TV Original movie. These are always terrible and this one is no exception. With plot holes the size of the 42 foot mummy, to the horrible acting. Especially by Scott Whyte (Might Ducks 2&3) who has lines so bad. That deserve mentioning up with with "Look they are eating her. Then they are going to eat me." from Troll 2. In just how bad they really are.

Which in this reviewers sick little mind made me laugh. All in the good way as this movie is terrible but in that so bad its awesome kind of way. Unlike Recon 2022 which I just reviewed. This movie is a fun bad. Not selling soft core porn in order move a movie forward. Which this one has none. Yes they imply that Amman wants to have sex with the main female lead. So that he can populate the world with giants and rule over all.

But outside of that it is all talk and completely PG. Even the fighting is PG and at most will hit the PG-13 rating. Even that still is a vast stretch. As this movie is more about simplicity and not focusing on bad special effects. Which there are a few scenes with them. Just not enough to ruin the movie. Instead they focused more on live actors in mummy suits. That look as if they where borrowed from the Mummy Franchise itself.

But who cares. They are mummies and they are goofy. Especially the 42 foot tall one. Who likes to hurl boulders at a jeep. It is this scene alone that makes this movie. The acting is so bad by all the actors in the it. That it just deserves mentioning. Especially since its Casper Van Dien, Robert Wagoner and well Scott Whyte who can not act his way out of a paper sack.

No wonder his spoken lines in Might Ducks 2 and 3 where so small. He is just good looks and terrible acting. Yes thats harsh but I am allowed my opinion. As a overall I honestly can think of worse films to watch. Is it one that I can see again? No not unless I am drinking with friends and just want to get shit faced while we make fun of a movie. 

Then again that is fun. If you need a movie to get drunk to or just need a movie to poke fun at. Then this might be your solution to your dilemma as it offers you all the calling cards for bad movies. Bad acting, horrible script, horrible effects and lame ending. It is the perfect movie for all bad film fans. So have fun enjoy and catch you back here tomorrow.

My Rating: 1/5 Stars

Follow me at @aikira21 on Twitter.

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