Saturday, March 26, 2011
Movie Review # 26 Princess of Mars (2009)
Director: Mark Atkins http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0040630/
Writer(s) Mark Atkins, Edgar Rice Burroughs http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0123194/
Traci Lords http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000183/
Antonio Sabato Jr. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004645/
Rotten Tomatoes: 5% Audience only http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1219797-princess_of_mars/
IMDb: 3.2/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1531911/
Netflix: 2.3 Stars
The Asylum has to be the greatest shiny turd factory in existence. As they constantly put out gems like this. Seriously they are diamond crusted shit sandwiches. So even though the movies are pleasing on the eyes you can not save bad acting, horrible scripts and even worse special effects.
So here is the story a sharp shooter in Afghanistan get's shot up told he is going to die. So his higher ups remind him that he signed a contract stating he could be used in e experiment. So they pull out a 16 gig flash drive and say all you memories and genetic code is here on this. Then next thing we know he is on a foreign planet with super powers. Yeah told this was crap and this just proved it. So human meets alien they don't fall in love human defeats villain and ends up back on Earth where he is still tore up and some how lives after being told he would be dead in hours.
Now you don't have to watch this film It is cliche after cliche. Top it off with weapons that look like blow guns that shoot bullets and are as flimsy as a cardboard tube. You just wish for it be over. Sadly the guns are not the worst of the worst as the aliens constantly have their neck flaps popping up showing off the humans underneath. That or you have a man who is supposed to be naked somehow finding underwear yet where did he get it? Uh I have no clue but damn why did they have to be briefs! Oh well it is part of movie magic I assume.
I just wish that this movie was magical. Sadly just like the other movie I reviewed earlier this month by The Asylum this too is a Mockbuster. As it came out at the same time as Avatar and even mentions Avatar on its cover. I just hope that most people avoided this craptastic feature and just waited for it show up on Sy-Fy. Even then I think there are much better ways to spend a Saturday night than being stuck watching this movie.
My Rating: 1.75/5 Stars