Movie Review # 31 Alien vs Ninja (2010)

Release: 2010
Director: Seiji Chiba http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1480852/
Writer: Seiji Chiba http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1480852/
Cast:
Mike Hijii http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1856057/
Ben Hiura http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0386998/
Shuji Kashiwabara http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0440573/


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 33% Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/alien_vs_ninja/
IMDb: 4.7/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1592503/
Netflix: 2.6 Stars


Review:
Aliens vs Ninja or AvN is a movie that you watch in disbelief then question your morality later on why you finished it. Which can be said of all the Troma Pictures that are released here in United States. Sadly this is not one of them but put out by the company Nikkatsu which is Japan's oldest and most established major movie studio.

I honestly can not jump on them about this as many motion picture studios have put out garbage. Including one so egregious by Warner Bros. that it lost all faith with the comic book community in Catwoman starring Hally Berry. In that light I can not fault Nikkatsu for releasing this mess of a motion picture but instead should focus on what it was. Which is just a hot mess of a movie.

Taking place in ancient Japan this movie focuses on one group of two feuding ninja clans. That being the Iga Ninja clan while the rival Koga ninja clan is talked about. We never really see them till the end of the film and even then we are not sure if they are them or not. As the film fails to truly explain it. So here is the gist of the story a farm boy becomes a ninja when his family is killed. Who then becomes the head ninja of the Iga Clan and then saves the day by defeating the evil alien invaders.

It seems simple enough. It seems like something a 12 year old would dream up while playing with his action figures. I just wish it stayed in that child's head as this film misses on all marks and it misses them badly enough that it makes this film somewhat enjoyable. As the over the top blood and guts makes you go "Ooh" and "Aah!" then you go "What the fuck!?" as well as every 2 to 5 minutes another bucket of blood is spilled on screen.

Often at times for no reason other than for shock value. Even then it's more like a giggle factor as its so silly all you can hope not to do is sit there blankly in disbelief as the bad creature designs come into play. I can not stress that enough though. There are several scenes where the alien costumes where not set properly and you can see the tennis shoes of the actor or even in some cases white socks and skin. Other times you can see the backs and midsections of the actors as well.

All of which are a treat to see if you pay attention to the movie. As they alone bring out a new factor of laughter. Despite all the faults this movies main appeal is just how bad it is. It is not MS3K bad but it is bad enough for your average Bad Movie night viewing with a group of buddies and a case of beer.

Rating: 1.75/5 Stars

Movie Review # 30 Mystery Team (2009)

Release: 2009
Director: Dan Eckman http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2254920/
Writer(s):
D.C. Pierson http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2272628/
Donald Glover http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2255973/
Cast:
Donald Glover http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2255973/
D.C. Pearson http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2272628/
Dominic Dierkes http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2257388/

Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes:
IMDb: 6.7/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1237838/
Netflix:


Review:
Raunchy, funny, and cute are all the adjectives that come to mind from this film. Parts of it are for small kids and has that appeal with the simple nature that the main cast has. But boy you could not be more wrong about the rest. Taking gross out comedy to areas I have never seen before in movies. Like having a guy spread eagle on a table being sprayed by a lactating woman. Yeah it went there and I just went there!

With scenes just as bad as the one I just mentioned above this movie has issues that will make people puke. Believe me people will. But they didn't seem to bother me in the least as I am a fan of potty, vomit and sex humor. All of which sell this movie to the crowd of people who enjoy films like American Pie, Revenge of the Nerds and a majority of the later National Lampoon series. So was this movie good or was it just there to gross out people?

Honestly folks this is one of the better late comedies I have come across in years. It has the sentimental value of Revenge of the Nerds as you fall in love with Jason who is the leader of the Mystery Team. Which is a group of outcasts that have no other friends than themselves as they are just plain and simply nerds. As they try and be detectives and never growing out of that stage as children. They constantly do what you would classify as the A Pup Named Scooby Doo tv Series montages.

Of them finding out who dipped their fingers in a old ladies pie. To finding a lost cat and the like. All of that changes one day as they work together to solve the mystery of who killed a girls parents and in the process Jason falls in love. With that it ends up him being passionate about her and wanting to prove himself to her by solving this mystery with his two compatriots.

So the story is cliche and if you pay attention you will see a boom mic, a cast members finger and a gun shot person who had a bullet pass through them only to not have it there in a following scene but just a giant red spot on his shirt. Classic B-movie goofs. But nothing that can take away from what this film is. Which is a funny and over the top film. At times you feel like you are watching a teen mystery only to be slapped in the face with a Fuck or a gross out scene.

All of which could have been written out and the movie would have kept its appeal. It is almost as if they wrote this stuff in for shock value and not for any story reason. But that shock value will stick with you and it will also make people call over friends to sit down and watch this film. I will include myself in that group as I surely will show this to my roommate and possibly a few friends.

My Rating: 3/5 Stars

Movie Review # 29 Gun (2010)

Release: 2010
Director: Jessy Terrero http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0855843/
Writer: Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1265067/
Cast:
Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1265067/
Val Kilmer http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000174/
John Larroquette http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0488662/
James Remar http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001664/

Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 15% Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/gun_2010/
IMDb: 3.4/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1560954/
Netflix: 3.3 Stars


Review:
Gun is a movie that kind of movie that you and your friends dream up while playing Cops and Robbers in your backyard. As you pretend to shoot each other and come up with a overly clichéd story about selling and buying of guns. Despite this amaturish setting it was not half bad if you can shut off your brain and see what this film offered. Which is funny violence, campy settings and one brilliant piece of acting by Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson at the end of the movie that has to be seen to be believed.

So what is left to say about Gun? Well the acting was believable, 50 Cent can act. Val Kilmer's career is defiantly over. Despite the fact that he can still act somewhat just he looks like a out of work bum on the street corner. Wait he is a out of work bum on a street corner. Alright I know that is low but who cares he got fat and lost his acting ability. So back to the movie the script is focus on the selling and moving of guns and the story of a lowly street thug moving up the ranks to become a big time mid-level to low level dealer of firearms.

That is fine and dandy if it had not stolen so strongly from Too Fast Too Furious. As they bring in a mole who is a ex-con and  is there to tag Rich who is played by 50 Cent and bring down the empire. It is as cookie cutter as one can get and yet somewhat enjoyable for what it is. At no point was I bored or asking why am I watching this. Instead I was more focused on 50 Cent as he proved just like LL Cool J and Will Smith that rappers can act and act well.

It was as if this was his coming out party. As his other works are more or less just stepping stones into what he has done here. If his rap career does ever go south he can easily fill in for many action heroes of today and do well at it. Which say's a lot for what I think of his acting in this movie. As it the only reason I enjoyed it. I wouldn't watch it again for the writing or anything else. Just to see what 50 Cent did with a limited script that he wrote.

As for the verdict? If you can set aside some time and just want a easy going action film with little to no story and looks really pretty. This is a fairly decent movie. Just do not come looking for anything more than that. As you will be disappointed with this film. So take it for what it is worth a straight to dvd feature film with good action and pretty good acting.

My Rating: 2.25/5 Stars

Movie Review # 28 Chi Bi a.k.a Red Cliff USA (2008)

Release: 2008
Director: John Woo http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000247/
Writer(s): 
John Woo http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000247/
Khan Chan http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1502082/
Cheng Kuo http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1171056/
Heyu Sheng http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2370726/
Guanzhong Luo (Romance of the Three Kingdoms Novel) http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0526824/
Cast:
Tony Leung http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0504897/
Takeshi Kaneshiro http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0437580/

Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 89 % Critics 77% Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/red_cliff/
IMDb: 7.3/10 Stars http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0425637/
Netflix: 4 Stars


Review:
Chi Bi or as it is known in the United States and most of the world as Red Cliff is John Woo's masterpiece. This movie and its scope with hundreds of thousands of extras is a movie you have to see to believe. Which puts it up their with Lord of the Ring and Saving Private Ryan on the complexity of shots and making sure all the extras did their part. It was simply a magical sight to behold.

Which is all the more surprising as John Woo is the Michael Bay of China. With movies like Face/Off and Mission Impossible II as his benchmarks for gratuitous violence and little story. But it was through those films that he fine tuned his directing and made possibly one of the greatest Chinese histrorical war epics ever put on film and I say that with the purest of intentions and honesty.

So what made this movie great? Well it all starts with the source material written by Guanzhong Luo and his Romance of the Three Kingdoms novel. Just like yesterdays movie this one was based on a portion of this magnificent book. While neither of them where mirror copies each one did focus on the war of the Three Kingdoms and certain aspects of the great war.

With this one centrally focused on Cao Cao invading Red Cliff all for the love of a woman who did not love or remember him. The story might sound simple but you would not be more wrong. As this film has layers upon layers. As if a beautiful rose is just coming to bloom and as each petal opens it becomes more and more gorgeous. That is how this film made me feel the more I watched the more I fell in love. The more I grew to know the characters and enjoy them and ultimately cry for some of them.

I can not give enough praise to John Woo for this movie. As movie moments like this do not happen often maybe once or twice a year and that is being generous. I would say every few years and this is the reason I still watch movies. If nothing else to be transported to another world and to fall in love with what I see.

My Rating: 5/5 Stars

Movie Review # 27 Three Kingdom: Resurrection of the Dragon

Release: 2008
Director: Daniel Lee http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0496752/
Writer(s):
Daniel Lee
Guanzhong Luo (story) http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0526824/
Cast:
Andy Lau http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0490489/
Sammo Hung Kam-Bo http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005033/
Maggie Q http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0702572/

Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 47% Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/saam-gwok-dzi-gin-lung-se-gap-three-kingdoms-resurrection-of-the-dragon/
IMDb: 5.9/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0882978/
Netflix: 3.7 Stars


Review:
Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon is based on the book series written by Guanzhong Luo. Most of his works deal with the Three Kingdoms and as with tomorrows Movie Red Cliff are milatary history films and books. Which as an American we dig for some reason as these type of films are what propelled Jet Li into super stardom and is what have come to expect in modern marital arts films. Getting away from the Bruce Lee type films.

Which is honestly a growth in our part and also in the funding for Chinese Films by the government. Although for this one despite it trying to be realistic and with a huge budget. It could not have missed more than it did. With comic book type action and disbelief to the over the top fighting. This movie was a mock at the source material instead of a literal translation. Which is fine if The Asylum can do that with American Blockbusters so can the Chinese with their A-List films. Take in point Red Cliff and this film which both released in the same year and tell nearly the same story.

But unlike The Asylum productions. This movie is actually pretty good. Never great but up to par with lower A-List fair that comes out in the United States with its production, action and acting. With saying that this story centers around Zhao Zilong played by Andy Lau. Who is an above average soldier and his rise and ultimate fall. Which is a typical Chinese mythology film. Even Hero had it where he dies in the end and the same can be said of this one. That is just not a spoiler as this is more common place in Asian film than in US films.

Where if the film is a box office smash. They want the chance to milk it for a sequel or two. So I am glad that Chinese cinema does not take this approach usually. Which to me is refreshing and it is the soul reason I enjoy movies like this. At the same time there are parts of this film that made me just say oh what the fuck. As you see men flying after being shot by a crossbow, bouts of super human strength and just unbelievable moments through out.

Outside of those this a decent film. Not one I will watch again as it is easily forgotten once its over. Nor does it carry with a weight of a Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon or House of Flying Daggers. But for what it is and that is a middle of the road Asian action war movie it is enjoyable and worth at least a single viewing.

My Rating; 3/5 Stars

Movie Review # 26 Princess of Mars (2009)

Release: 2009
Director: Mark Atkins http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0040630/
Writer(s) Mark Atkins, Edgar Rice Burroughs http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0123194/
Cast:
Traci Lords http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000183/
Antonio Sabato Jr. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004645/


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 5% Audience only http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1219797-princess_of_mars/
IMDb: 3.2/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1531911/
Netflix: 2.3 Stars


Review:
The Asylum has to be the greatest shiny turd factory in existence. As they constantly put out gems like this. Seriously they are diamond crusted shit sandwiches. So even though the movies are pleasing on the eyes you can not save bad acting, horrible scripts and even worse special effects.

So here is the story a sharp shooter in Afghanistan get's shot up told he is going to die. So his higher ups remind him that he signed a contract stating he could be used in e experiment. So they pull out a 16 gig flash drive and say all you memories and genetic code is here on this. Then next thing we know he is on a foreign planet with super powers. Yeah told this was crap and this just proved it. So human meets alien they don't fall in love human defeats villain and ends up back on Earth where he is still tore up and some how lives after being told he would be dead in hours.

Now you don't have to watch this film It is cliche after cliche. Top it off with weapons that look like blow guns that shoot bullets and are as flimsy as a cardboard tube. You just wish for it be over. Sadly the guns are not the worst of the worst as the aliens constantly have their neck flaps popping up showing off the humans underneath. That or you have a man who is supposed to be naked somehow finding underwear yet where did he get it? Uh I have no clue but damn why did they have to be briefs! Oh well it is part of movie magic I assume.

I just wish that this movie was magical. Sadly just like the other movie I reviewed earlier this month by The Asylum this too is a Mockbuster. As it came out at the same time as Avatar and even mentions Avatar on its cover. I just hope that most people avoided this craptastic feature and just waited for it show up on Sy-Fy. Even then I think there are much better ways to spend a Saturday night than being stuck watching this movie.

My Rating: 1.75/5 Stars

Movie Review # 25 Irish American Ninja (2005)

Release:
Director: Bill Sebastian http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0780934/
Writer: Bill Sebastian http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0780934/
Cast: 
Bill Sebastian http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0780934/
James Cable http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1996030/


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 31% Fresh Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/irish-american-ninja/
IMDB: 3.9.10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0478811/
Netflix: 1.7 Stars


Review:
Irish American Ninja has everything that makes independent film amazing and at the same time frightening. Those being the fact that most of these movies are written, directed and starred in by the same person. Often times these movies of passion end in crimes of passion instead. This one well it honestly broke the mold with its campy and often goofy take on Ninja films. Even stooping to poking fun at mega cult favorites Jean Claude Van Damme and the original Karate Kid himself Ralph Macchio.

All the while keeping to its roots as a straight up B-film. Which honestly is a very well polished turd that deserves to be seen. Nothing is above average. But what it does have is a heart and soul about it that just makes you giggle as the over the top mockery of ninja's is just to damn silly not to enjoy. Even the story is silly two brothers set out be ninja's one has a girls name and kills his father. Then the brother set's out for redemption and finds his brother. Only for his brother to leave him once again. So he goes back and kills his brothers dog. Yeah I know this is just to stupid to be enjoyable.

That assumption would be completely off base. As this film makes you want to watch more. The action sequences are slapstick in nature often reminding me of Jackie Chan comedies. Even the writing is great with one liners that are amazingly well timed and often spot on for the moment. The only downside to this movie is the acting which at times is brilliant and other times its so bad its awesome.

Now for the best part of this film. Well to myself anyways. It was shot and filmed in and around Euless, TX with back drops near Trinity High School, Bedford and even one scene shot in Pennington Field home of the Trinity Trojans and L.D. Bell Raiders. So this brought out a piece of nostalgia to myself since I grew up in and around this neighborhood. So it was just an extra special treat to myself and to most who live in the area that see this film.

For how I rate this and do I recommend it? I honestly do you can do far worse for movies out there. You can also do much better. Just for what this movie is and that is to take Ninjas and spoof them. This hit's its mark and does it very well and with funny and often hilarious moments.

My Rating: 2.25/5 Stars

Movie Review # 24 High Hopes (2005)

Release:
Director: Joe Eckardt http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1836968/
Writer(s): 
Cecily Gambrell http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0303879/
Colby Kane http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1022833/
Cast:
Jason Mewes http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0582939/
Edward Furlong http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000411/
David Faustino http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004910/
Andy Dick http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004873/
Danny Trejo http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001803/


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 24% Fresh Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1209964-high_hopes/
IMDB: 3.7/10 http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=5547798684833737318
Netflix: 3 Stars


Rating:
High Hopes is a comedy I had high hopes for. Sadly my High Hopes where lowered so greatly that I felt that was watching a movie that a group of frat guys came up with. Not to say that it was awful or even bad. It wasn't it just was a stereotypical B-Film jaunt that never lived up to its cast.

The cast consisting of Jason Mewes, David Faustino, Andy Dick, Danny Trejo and Edward Furlong. As well several other cameos through out. Is quiet honestly a great cast for a film. With most of them being some of the better films in the past 10 years. Sadly though this film is not one of them. Choosing to stick to middle ground of bad films that get made. Only to make you go what the fuck where they smoking? In this case it was the M-100.

Since they where obviously smoking during the making of this film. Here is the run down of the movie. A drug dealer gets a case of medical grade cronic. Then the man that gave it to him dies only for a group of misfits wanting to make a movie works out a plan just like Ocean's 11. In order to obtain it. Yep a heist and stoner flick all wrapped up in a craptastic package. Which is honestly sad very sad.

This movie had great potential as a film. Especially with the cast only if they tightened things up. Maybe even gone in and done some rewrites for this film. But as it is. It is just a flawed movie that had great potential.

My Rating: 2/5 Stars

Movie Review # 23 Dragon Hunters (2008)

Release: 2008
Director(s):
Guillaume Ivernel http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0412247/
Arthur Qwak http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0704588/
Writer(s):
Arthur Qwak
Frederic Lenoir http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1665985/
Cast:
Forrest Whitaker http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001845/
Rob Paulson http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0667326/
Mary Matilyn Mouser http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1597268/
John Di Maggio http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0224007/

Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 67% Critics 60% Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/chasseurs-de-dragons-dragon-hunters-die-drachenjager/
IMDB: 6.8/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0944834/
Netflix: 3.6 Stars


Review:
Dragon Hunters is based on the Dragon Hunters television that aired in 2004 in France. Then aired in United States on Stars. If you have never seen an episode then you are missing one of the best animated shows in come out in years. The same can be said of the movie. As it branches out and finishes off the story of Gwizdo, Lian-Chu and Hector the Dragon. All of whom are traveling Dragon Hunters who more bumbling fools than real Dragon Hunters.

This premise of average every day men. taking on challenges of killing dragons for coin and luxury is a tried and true formula. Made popular in the movie Dragonheart that starred Sean Conery as the voice of the Dragon. That might be the closest analogy I can come up with this world and its core group of characters. As each bring something to the table. Lian-Chu is the muscle, Gwizdo is the swift talking salesman that fails. Then there is Hector a little blue dragon that shoots fire from his crouch.

So here is the story. The World Gobbler has come back to life and a young girl goes out in search of a great Knight to take it on as her Uncle is blind and unable to. So in the process of running away from home she stumbles into the path of Lian-Chu and Gwizdo and from there the movie takes off as they agree with the Uncle of Zoe that upon killing they get paid. So thats the story for the most part.

Very generic but could not be more fun. Just like how Shrek took common stories and turned them on its ear. This movie takes a generic tale and does the same thing. As its brilliant writing and acting come through in shining color. As the film does an excellent job in making you believe the characters are in peril and are going to die etc. I will add this in. This movie is not for small children and should be viewed by kids of at least 11 or older. As its story and its animation are often dark and violent.

But never bloody or vile. Just scary and dark similar to what you would get from watching the Adam's Family movies in the 90's or maybe a teen horror film that is pg-13. Now for the animation and acting! Wow is all I can say as this film hits great marks on all of them including music. As it goes above and beyond what a lot of American films do. Which says a lot about this movie. It is honestly up there with How to Train Your Dragon on being that good of a film.

That at being one that we Americans have never seen and most likely will pass over on the Netflix cue. I strongly recommend that you check this movie out. If you are a fan of fantasy, dragons or just want a setting for a new Dungeon and Dragons campaign that you are starting. This is a great movie to enjoy and use as a tool to start your brain going in that fantasy type mindset.

Rating: 4.25/5 Stars

Movie Review # 22 The Journey to Promethea

Release: 2010

Director: Dan Garcia http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2260106/

Writer: Dan Garcia

Cast:

Billy Zane http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000708/

Marcelle Baer  http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3053529/

Drew Battles http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2252812/

Louis Herthum http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0381043/

Ratings:

Rotten Tomatoes: Not even listed! Yeah I know this is going to be bad.

IMDB: 2.6/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1460639/

Netflix: 2 Stars

Review:

How bad can a movie be that not even the mighty Rotten Tomatoes has a listing for it? Even Kung Fu Mummy had a listing? Yeah I know. Is this really the question one must ask when reviewing a movie as bad as this one. I just have to though. I honestly find it as a warning to avoid this at all cost and I will just say I agree you need to let this movie fall through the cracks and not watch it.

So what made this film so awful? EVERYTHING!!! Nothing is redeemable what so ever and this movie is going to only get a slightly higher rating than Kung Fu Mummy! Yes folks this is a negative numbers movie. So here is the story. A mighty soldier dies then says one of his chose people will inherit his great powers and sword. Yep sounds cliche and it is as this movie seems as if it was written as a bad Dungeon and Dragons campaign. Then someone had the bright idea of going out with the LARP (Live Action Roleplay) group and filming this abomination of a film. 

The biggest question is why does Billy Zane choose to do movies that Dan Garcia does? Seriously he is in several and they all suck. But unlike Uwe Boll who makes crap films of good video games. This guy Dan Garcia just makes shit films that makes Ed Wood seem like James Cameron! Then again Bela Lugosi starred in several of Ed Woods films. Maybe good actors just like being in bad films for a pay day. That or they just hope that no one notices these shit storms so their careers do not get railroaded because of them.

Sadly for Billy this is not the 60's where Bela was at the end of his career. Where Ed Wood's films where shown at midnight shows and often forgotten about except by the cult following they got. This is 2011 where Netflix is rampant and these horrible movies get ridiculed mocked and torn apart. Leaving you with a tarnished name and people not wanting to see your next A-List film. All because you chose to make a film like this. Grrr I hate this film so much.

So back to the movie at hand. Oh screw it! I refuse to talk anymore about this film. Seriously this is just not worth the time to talk about. So please avoid this! It is not fun or goofy or remotely good in any way. It is not even worth doing a movie night for bad films. Just no repeatedly NO!

Rating:  Negative - 4.75/ Stars out of 5

Movie Review # 21 Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

Release: 2001
Director: Lee Demarbe http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0218080/
Writer: Ian Driscoll http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0238018/
Cast:
Phil Caracas http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0135843/
Murielle Varhelyi http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1142966/
Maria Moulton http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1142195/


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 78% Fresh Critics 57% Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/jesus_christ_vampire_hunter/
IMDB: 5.1/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311361/
Netflix: 2.5 Stars


Review:
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is so awful it is good. I can honestly see people lining up to see this at Midnight Shows. Just so that can enjoy the over the top and crazy antics that this film portrays. Even I will admit that I liked this film and I to wish to show it to friends and have them sit back with me and watch it. This movie shot by Canadians in Ottawa is about Jesus and his second coming.

But so loosely that you can not call it that. He has come back to life mainly to search, kill and stop a vampire invasion as they are feasting on the lesbians of Ottawa. Yes you read that right. That is the premise of this insanely goofy movie. But let's not forget the dance numbers, the singing and even the great fight scenes. All of which are so bad that you just can not stop and laugh.

I am thankful that this movie never took itself seriously. As it is what made this movie so entertaining. It has the Ed Wood type vibe through out. Knowing that it is just so bad that it is amazing. I just have one pet peeve though. Why can Jesus not get a new pair of shoes instead of wearing beat up Adidas sneakers through out the entire film? Seriously he is the son of God right? Come on now let him at least have a nice pair of sneakers! Outside of that I have no complaints what so ever.

This movie did what it set out do. Which is be campy, silly and outlandish. Do it badly enough to make people laugh and take itself so not seriously that they made a masterpiece in horrible film making. I will put this up with Troll 2, and Pocket Ninjas as movies that are so bad they are fun to watch. Not in the category of  Kung Fu Mummy where it was just so awful it should never be watched. Because this one really should be seen to be believed.

So yes I enjoyed it. Yes I do recommend it. Will most of you like it. Hell to the NO! But I just found something enjoyable about this piece of shit that made me fall in love with it. That is just how I feel. If you don't I can care less I had fun watching this. I just will have more fun watching my friends squirm as they watch this film with me when I do one of my bad movie nights.

My Rating: 3.25/5 Stars

Movie Review # 20 Calvin Marshall (2008)

Release:
Director:
Writer: Gary Lundgren http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1390437/
Cast:
Alex Frost http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1372713/
Michelle Lombardo http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1723030/
Steve Zahn http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001872/
Diedrich Bader http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0046033/


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 63% Fresh Critics 38% Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/calvin_marshall/
IMDB: 5.5/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0496673/
Netflix: 2.8 Stars


Review:
Independent movies fall into two categories it seems. Those being horror or coming of age stories like Calvin Marshall. Sadly it is about as cookie cutter as most others of this ilk. Never really stepping up to the plate instead choosing to play it safe with everything. Except for the few f-bombs and pg-13 sex scene this movie really and truthfully reminded me of a made for TV special for one of the major networks.

Not saying that this baseball movie was bad. It wasn't it just seemed to be plugging along at a moderate snails pace. All the while never really engaging the viewing audience. Which I found really sad as I really never grew to like Calvin Marshall the character that the movie is named after. He is a never was baseball player who gives his hardest just like Rudy Ruettiger in the film Rudy played by Sean Astin.

But unlike Rudy this film does not carry over the emotional impact. Nor does it carry over him playing in any game instead it shows him quiting and going to work in construction. Not unlike the steel mill in Rudy. Seriously this movie just ripped parts from Rudy and missed the point of what made Rudy good. It was a feel good story of a hard nosed kid that wanted to be play for Notre Dame.

I could have grown to accept a full blown clone of Rudy on the baseball diamond. Instead what get is a half assed attempt instead. Even as I say that is not unwatchable. It is just a movie that you rent or cue up on Netflix and watch once then forget about. As I surely will it has no staying power in your mind. With no key plot points to make you think, no characters that make you want to re-watch it. Instead it is as perishable as a bag of forgotten produce just with out the stinky moldy mess.

Now for Gary Lundgren the writer/director I have to give kudos for. For this is where this movies real story is as he kept his dream alive by having Steve Zahn agree to role of Coach Little. If it was not for Steve Zahn's star power and sticking with the director. This film would never have been made as studio after studio and backer after backer backed out. Only to finally land a studio who would help make this film happen. This is art imitating fiction here.

As the director in all honesty was Calvin Marshall an it would have made a better film. Than what we got. So Gary Lundgren if you ever read this. Write a script about your struggle to get this movie made. It would have been more interesting and a lot more pleasing than what you gave us. Which was a stock movie with different characters.

My Rating: 2.5/5 Stars

Movie Review # 19 Pokemon: The Rise of Darkrai

Release: 2007
Director: Kunihiko Yuyama
Writer: Hideki Sonada
Cast:
Michele Knotz
Ikue Ootani
Sarah Natochenny


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 79% Fresh Audience
IMDB: 5.5/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1226251/
Netflix: 3.8 Stars


Review:
Pokemon: The Rise of Darkrai is possibly the best Pokemon movie outside of the first one. As it takes parts from other established franchises like Godzilla and Hayao Miyazaki's epic tail Nausicaa of the Wind (1984). Then melds them together to form a wonderful and enchanting tail. Yet keep it completely Pokemon. From beginning to end it is entertaining, funny and enjoyable enough for adults and children over 7.

I say that as moments in this film are scary for younger kids. Which is alright in most parents books. But I do recommend you viewing it first and making the judgement on it before letting your young ones watch it. As this  is the darkest of all the released Pokemon movies. It is also the reason that this film is amazing. It took a more adult theme and went with it. As it respected the aging audience of Pokemon.

So here is the story synopsis Palkia and Dialga two Pokemon that should have never met. End up meeting then creating a battle. As they are both thinking the other invaded and are protecting their lands. Now for Darkrai I will not break that story bullet point as it is a main plot line for the film. As for everything else? Honestly it is Pokemon so you will love or hate it dependent on that.

But if you are a teeter then this might one of those Pokemon films that  you might actually enjoy. It is not like a lot of the others. Where Ash saves the world etc etc. In this one he helps out but is not the main hero. Which was refreshing and great. Now we move on to acting, art and music and per the usual they are all good. Which is what you come to expect from these movie releases.

With saying that here is my verdict. Pokemon: The Rise of Darkrai is a great Pokemon movie. It is entertaining, dark and magical. It can stand alone outside of the franchise and be enjoyed by Pokemon fans and non-Pokemon fans. That is just my take and I hope all of you come back tomorrow for my next movie review.

My Rating 3.75/5 Stars

Movie Review # 18 Monsters (2010)

Release: 2010
Director: Gareth Edwards
Writer: Gareth Edwards
Cast: 
Whitney Able
Scoot McNairy


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 71% Fresh Critics 49% Fresh Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/monsters-2010/
IMDB: 6.5/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1470827/
Netflix: 3.1 Stars


Review:
Monsters is a movie that takes bits and pieces from other established franchises and then tries to make it their own. Try as they might the movies they stole from where a lot better and are much more preferred to this one. Not saying that this Independent film is awful by any means it is just no Mist or Cloverfield. Both of which where used as a source material for this film. Some might add in a little bit of District 9 with the creatures being stuck on Planet Earth thanks to a downed probe.

But that might be the farthest stretch for this film in general. So here is the story. A probe is sent to scavenge some alien artifacts found in our galaxy. One the way back it crashes down in Mexico and these monsters come to life once the are on Earth. This is paper thin as single ply toilet paper and just as flimsy. But what can I say this sorta story is what Hollywood Sci-Fi is built on. Aliens crash land and all hell breaks loose yada yada.

As with classic alien monster movies. You have two to for people who make a difference in the general scheme of things. But that is where this film is different as there is no closure nor is the a real story. It is all about two people trying to get back to America from Mexico and honestly it was drab and boring to put it best. The monster animations where amazing and reminiscent of Cthulu creatures. Which is awesome in my books. Just that at no point do you feel dread, scared or even remotely any suspense. That is a downer and one that gets massive negative points from me.

So the story sucks and yet there is a positive. The acting and the direction of the film was honestly really good. Well not really good as I felt I was watching one of those old made for tv horror movies. Yeah, it was bad all around but in that good fun way. So what are the positives of this film? Acting wasn't to horrible, music was pretty awesome, animations where cool. The story seems like it was written on a used piece of toilet paper. Outside of that I liked this B-film.

If you have time or just need an afternoon off from reality. There are far worse movies than this to watch. If you are fan of the Mist, Cloverfield or even classic Alien crash landing movies. This is one you should pick up and watch at least once. Who knows maybe you will be just like me and like it just because it bad enough to be awesome.

My Rating 3.25/5 Stars

Movie Review # 17 The Chaperone (2011)

Release: 2011
Director: Stephen Herek (Mr. Holland's Opus, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure)
Writer: S.J. Roth
Cast:
Paul "Triple H" Levesque (Blade: Trinity, WWE)
Yeardly Smith (The Simpsons, Maxium Overdrive)
Kevin Corrigan (Superbad, Pineapple Express, The Departed)


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 25% Fresh Reviewers 51% Fresh Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_chaperone/
IMDB: 4.1/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1663187/
Netflix: 3.9 Stars


Review:
I do not know what it is about WWE production movies. But I seem to enjoy them. The Chaperone which stars Triple H as Ray "Ray" Bradstone is an ex-con who spent the last 7 years in prison trying to get to know his teenage daugter. All the while he has his past haunting him through out the film. It is honestly a bit of cat and mouse and often juvienile in its approach to things.

Especially at the end but hey if we can put disbelief that wrestling is not staged then you can with this film. At no point do you see this other than what it is. A good and fun movie to watch with the kids. Triple H does an admirable and at times amazing job in acting. As much as I love Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin both whom have branched out to acting. They do not hold a candle to Triple H as he can honestly really act. The only other one who showed this kind of talent on screen is the "Big Show" Paul Wright in Knucklehead.

Which honestly was the funniest movies I have seen in years. Sadly I saw it before I started this blog and won't be writing about it. Now back to The Chaperone it is a happy go lucky film. Where good triumphs over evil and is filled with more cliche's about cops and robbers than you can imagine. But I honestly could not stop watching it. Maybe I long for sugary coated movies that are just silly enough to make me laugh. But so overly done that they make me sick.

That or I just enjoy movies that have a heart and pulse. Like this one does. It is not amazing nor is it terrible it lies in that middle ground that proves that B-Movies are not always terrible. But sometimes surprisingly good despite what IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes saying that this is terrible. So give it a shot especially if you are a wrestling fan or just a fanatic for Triple H.

My rating 3.5/5 Stars


Trailer for the film: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKZfReufnzw&playnext=1&list=PL067CA3510B810C26

Movie Review # 16 The Freebie (2010)

Release:
Director: Katie Aselton (Cyrus, The League)
Writer: Not a good sign not one listed.
Cast:
Katie Aselton
Dax Shepard ( Zakura: A Space Adventure, Let's Go to Prison)


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 58% Fresh Critics 31% Fresh Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_freebie/
IMDB: 4.9/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1474889/
Netflix: 2.4 Stars


Review:
Honestly I do not know what it is about Indie films and the fact that the director must act in them. It usually never works out and this film is one of those egregious examples. Katie Aselton never had command of this movie as everything was forced and staged. To the point it is a how to movie on how not to shoot and edit a film. The pacing, the writing and even the acting all was stale.

At no point do we really know if the couple played by Dax Shepard and Katie Aselton ever did their one night stand. Was it a story? Was it real? Was it just a farce to turn them both on? We never know and yet we are forced to sit through 80 minutes of this? Come on now if you want a movie about a one night stand watch Knocked Up that at least has comedic chops and is enjoyable.

This is far from it. I much rather be anal probed that have to sit through this again. Yes folks it is that bad and that awful. Some reviews say its cute and enjoyable. Hell I want what they where smoking. I found this to be a let down on all fronts. It is listed as a comedy but it is more like a crappy drama with no suspense at all. I seriously want to know who listed this movie under these categories on Netflix. Late Night comedy, indie comedy? Like Hell to the NO! This was not fun at all.

If you can avoid this at all costs. I know my reviews are sounding like warning shots. But honestly I call them as I see them. I love bad cinema when its awful and good. I can sit through Pocket Ninja's, Troll 2 and even The Room. But movies like this you watch them once and then wipe your ass with them. Because it is all they are worth and even then that is a compliment.

My Rating: 1/4 Star out of 5 Stars

Movie Review # 15 The Chosen One (2010)

Release:
Director: Rob Schneider
Writer(s): Rob Schneider and Boon Collins
Cast: 
Rob Schneider (Duece Bigelow, The Benchwarmers)
Steve Buschemi (Fargo, Monster's Inc, The Big Lebowski)


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 16% Fresh http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_chosen_one_2010/
IMDB: 4.3/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0970926/
Netflix:  2.7/5 Stars


Review:
Occasionally there are movies that actors just have to make for themselves. Not for any other reason to but to prove that they can branch out and do more than just be a funny man on screen. Sadly Rob Schneider is not one of these types of people. It scares me to think of his upcoming untitled film that is due out for release later in 2011. As for the movie The Chosen One was surely misnamed and miss leading.

From the start of the film to the end it has the pacing of a doctors visit. It gave you the info as you needed but left you with no substance at all. It was honest to God torture. What made it that way? Honestly it was mostly the story revovling around a drunk car salesman who is the chosen one. That has to save a stupid hawk so that it will snow on a distant mountain in Colombia. So that a previously unheard of tribe I guess can have water. Yea seriously only drunks and screw ups think up stories like this.

Which is pathetic and disheartening as this film failed on every level. The only saving grace was seeing Steve Bushemi pull off a standard performance and steal what ever scene he is in. Outside of him nothing else matters. The sporadic cameos by less known B-Actors that people go "Oh I know him from blah blah." is slightly refreshing. Just not enough for me to honestly care anymore about this film.

So here is the verdict and one that I hate to write. Avoid this movie even if you are a fan of both Rob and Steve. It is not worth the 100 minutes of you life wasted. Not a peak not a taste just avoid it. This movie ranks with the mega stinker Kung Fu Mummy. Which much like this one was written, directed and stared in by the all of the above.

I do not know if it is just me but I think I should avoid movies like this unless they star Clint Eastwood because he can at least write, direct and act. Sadly Rob go back to following the coat tails of the rest of the Happy Madison bunch. You suck on you own.

My Rating: .5/5 Stars

Movie Review # 14 Dog City: The Movie

Release: 1989
Director: Jim Henson (Dark Crystal, Sesame Street, The Labyrinth)
Writer: Jim Henson / Brian Henson ??
Cast:
Jim Henson
Kevin Clash (Sesame Street, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles(1990), Labyrinth) 


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 57% Fresh Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/jim_hensons_dog_city_the_movie/
IMDB: 7.0/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0978955/
Netflix: 2.8 Stars


My Review:
It sickens me to even write this review as part of my childhood was crushed tonight in watching this film. Growing up I watched and lived Jim Henson. Tonight I am thankful that I missed this movie as a child. Sadly I did not miss it as an adult. As it showed how children's films where once not written for anyone but for kids. Then that is a stretch as this movie was one bad pun after another.

From the opening credits to the end credits the Muppet's are spot on. Which I have always enjoyed sadly thought the writing was the worst I have ever heard in anything Jim Henson has ever done. Let's just call this his worst work ever honestly. With names like Ace Yu, Mugsy Them and even a character only known as Laughing Boy. You seriously can not take this with anything other than a grain of salt and a Tylenol for the ensuing headache that will follow.

Everything that is said is groan inducing and I mean everything. From lines where they state the obvious for musical cues. To the fact that only highlight is Rowlf the Dog playing the piano. Sadly if Rowlf was to be asked what movie he would soon forget. This would be to top of the list as he had the lovely fact of pointing out every pun, bad joke and dog joke possible. Not that we needed it at all.

So here is the story Ace Yu inherits a Bar/Cafe and his Uncle was killed by Mugsy Them. All because he refused to pay up to the tyrant. So when Ace Yu shows up Mugsy wants the same thing and well Ace doesn't want to. So it is your basic tyrant wants his money and good guy doesn't want to and still gets the girl at the end. Typical late 30's early 40's gangster movies. Which this movie is based on.Thankfully there are more movies out there that are a lot better than this.

So here is my recommendation. If you have to see everything Jim Henson has ever done this will be a must see. But if you can I recommend steering clear of this completely. I just wish that Jim Henson took some pride in this as the carton Dog City was a great and entertaining show. Sadly he took this out and shot it just like Travis shot Old Yeller when he had rabies. Thanks for killing part of my childhood Jim and we the movie going audience still miss you Jim. So I will let this one off.

My Rating: 1.5/5 Stars

Movie Review # 13 Teenage Dirtbag

Release: 2009
Director: Regina Crosby 
Writer: Regina Crosby
Cast:
Scott Michael Foster (Greek)
Noa Hegesh (Black Dawn)
Chris Ellis (Transformers, Catch Me if You Can, Apollo 13, Armageddon)


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 78% Fresh Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1216995-teenage_dirtbag/
IMDB: 6.3/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1091207/
Netflix: 3.5 Stars


My Review:
Teenage Dirtbag is not what it appears. At first glance it looks like a reverse Romeo and Juliet. But you could not be more wrong. As the layers peel away you see a dark movie of abuse, love and in the end death. All of which are told through a first person narrative. As Amber Lane played by Noa Hegesh reminiscences about her high school friend and how rocky their life and friendship was. Then how ultimately someone she hated and loathed became a friend to her.

So that's the story. Now how about everything else. Well not all of it is great. The story is real and it is personal as it is based on true events. So thats good. Editing especially sound editing is down right awful and so is some of the acting. There where times that the actors acted as if they where on a limited time frame and did single shots. Then green lit them even if they lacked the dramatic punch they needed.

All of that just falls at the feet of Regina Crosby. I will give her credit that she did good for a first time feature. She did better than most. Sadly here are a few glaring things. One we go from snow to sunny and then back to snow. Then to kids swimming in a lake. All in a matter of minutes and this was supposed to be a timeline piece where it was the senior year of high school where Thayer played by Scott Michael Foster and Amber become friends. But instead you have set pieces that almost appear out of place. Which happens all to often in this film.

Even as I rip this apart it has a nostalgia about it. It has something that gets to you at your core. Even though it never directly hits home. The film does get its point across even though it missed its mark wide left. Overall I can see it is worth a view. But it is not worth a second or a third. As the film lasts to long and has to many dull and dead moments that could and should have been cut to make a cleaner and effective movie. So that's my opinion and you can take it or leave it. It is all up to you.

My Rating 2.5/5 Stars

Movie Review # 12 Open Season 2

Release: 2009
Director(s): 
Mattew O'Callaghan (The Great Mouse Detective, Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas)
Todd Wilderman (Stuart Little, Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone)                         
Writer: David I. Stern (Open Season 3, Geppetto)
Cast:
Mike Epps (The Hangover, Next Friday, Resident Evil: Extinction)
Joel McHale (Spider-Man 2, Community)
Jane Krakowski (Ice Age, 30 Rock, Alfie)
Billy Connolly (The Boondock Saints, Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events)
Chrispin Glover (Back to the Future, Alice in Wonderland, Dead Man)


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 42% Fresh Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/open_season_2_2008/
IMDB: 5.5/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1107365/
Netflix: 3.6/5 Stars


My Review:
I love animated movies. Maybe it is that I never really let go of my inner child or I just want to be a kid again. Either which way animated movies have a special place in my heart. So does Open Season 2 hold up to the Original or does it fall flat on its face and get put out with cat litter?

Truthfully I did not expect much at all of this movie. With a majority of the vocal talent that was in first one MIA. So at first listen Joel McHale and Mike Epps are doing their best impressions of Ashton Kutcher and Martin Lawrence. Which for me was very off putting so I decided to just block it out and focus on the story and you know what. This could have been a hit if they actually wrote it for the big screen and brought back everyone.

It was just that funny. Yes there where a few poop, vomit and fart jokes. But when you are dealing with animals that is sorta of a given. It is just part of nature and they where subtle and not overly done as they are in a lot of other films. Which is nice. So back to the story Elliott is be wed to Giselle and as the ceremony is proceeding Mr. Weenie follows a trail of doggy treats and is captured. The rest of the story is the wild animals trying to get back their friend Mr. Weenie and the escapades that transpire there after.

Including the villain a cute little poodle named Fife voiced by Chrispin Glover who played the father of Marty McFly in the original Back to the Future but not the sequels. This little ball of fluff is a great villain as he puts fear into everyone about wild animals and his back story on why he hates them. Is all about misunderstanding of what really happened. So let's just say he is a wound up poodle who has issues with the way he looks and if he looks bad his life is over.

All of these story elements and decent writing bring out a very good straight to dvd release. One that I can honestly say most children will enjoy. Some hard nose adults will not. But who cares about them honestly. They can go watch their dramas and ignore children movies like this. But sadly though those people are missing out on what made being a child so great. Which is the disbelief of reality and the love of fun and that is what this movie is about which is being one with family and friends.


My Rating 3.25/5 Stars

Movie Review # 11 Deadfall (1993)

Release: 1993
Director: Christopher Coppola (Dracula's Widow, Gunfighter)
Writers: Christopher Coppola, Nick Vallelonga (Coyote Ugly)
Cast:
Michael Biehn (The Terminator, The Abyss, The Rock, Aliens)
Nicolas Cage (Ghost Rider, Lord of War, National Treasure, Raising Arizona)
James Coburn (Maverick, Monster's Inc., Charade, The Great Escape)
Charlie Sheen (Hot Shots, Two and Half Men, Major League)
Peter Fonda (Easy Rider, Ghost Rider. Ulee's Gold, 3:10 to Yuma)


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 0% Critics 31% Audience http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1045933-deadfall/
IMDB 3.0/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106684/
Netflix: 2.7 Stars


Review:
Deadfall more like Crapfall this is a bad film and there is no nice way to put it. The best performance of this entire film is Nicolas Cage going completely nuts half way through the film. Outside of that the actors all seem to be going through the paces. As if all they want to do is collect a check at the end of the day. I wish I was kidding but I am not. But who can blame them with a script that is this flimsy.

From the time the movie starts to the time it ends you see where it is going. You see how it is going to happen and how it all will go there. Seriously I can sum this up in one sentence. Father dies son finds out about a lost Uncle then Uncle set's up the same con. Only for the Uncle to die and dad to be back alive. Yeah there is the movie. Now you do not have to waste two hours watching it. So where did this go wrong? Honestly I put the blame completely on the writer/director Christopher Coppola who happens to be Nicholas Cage's brother.

Yes folks this is Nick stepping aside to help his bro. But he is not the only family in this film. So let's go down the list. Talia Shire sister to Francis Ford Coppola then we have another brother Marc Coppola as well. So it is a family affair of complete sucktastic proportions. Which is shocking considering the budget for this film was $10 million. The best part of this is that studios thought this movie was so awful that it was released for one weekend in two theaters bringing in a little over $10,000 total.

So you tell me how this movie is. That or just look into what Rotten Tomatoes has to say where the audience score is 31% and the Critics give it a 0% Fresh Rating. Consider me in the later as this movie gives me a considerable pain in my side. Would I recommend yes only over Kung Fu Mummy. But honestly folks just steer clear. It is not worth the wasted effort in a big budget failure that has more in common with made for tv sitcom movies that get aired on Saturday afternoons or late night when no one will watch them.

My Rating 1.5/5 Stars

Movie Review # 10 The Land That Time Forgot (2009)

Release: 2009 
Director: C. Thomas Howell (The Genesis Code, The Day the Earth Stopped)
Writer(s): Edgar Rice Burroughs (Novel) Darren Dalton (Script)
Cast:
C. Thomas Howell (Red Dawn, The Hitcher, E.T., The Outsiders)
Timothy Bottoms (The Last Picture Show, The Girl Next Door, Johnny Got His Gun)
Patrick Gorman (Gettysburg,  On Deadly Ground, Three Days of the Condor)


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: 14% Fresh Rating (audience only) http://tinyurl.com/4k4cf8d
IMDB: 3.4/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1410205/
Netflix: 2.7 Stars


Review:
This straight to video or your local Saturday Night SyFy Feature Film night. Is honestly not that bad. I will throw out the creature effects and all of the digital effects in general. They are appalling and look as good as what you would see in a modern video game for the most part. So The Asylum the company that produced this feature and many many more Mockbusters got what they paid for.

So what should I focus on? Well the acting for a B-Film it was not half bad. There where a few scenes where the acting was over the top cheesy. That made me want some tortilla chip's and jalapeños. They thankfully where just few and far between. The direction and cinematography wasn't awful either. They where staged nicely and where clean for the most part. So what makes this movie awful? It is the story and a vast continuity issue through out.

The biggest one happens half way through the film with a T-Rex, Germans and a maiden rescue. For some reason the T-Rex just disappears as it's roaring at the cave as the the rescuers and the Germans shoot at each other and the T-Rex. Only to have another of the rescuers run up in front of the cave and the T-Rex has evaporated as if it was never there. As they run after two of the rescuers who chose to take advantage of the situation and make a get away on the only means of leaving the island they are on. So yeah what happened to the T-Rex? I don't know maybe Darren Dalton who shares his name with a Ex-Survivor cast member knows.

Even then I doubt he does. Which sickens me as book written by Edgar Rice Burroughs in 1918 is actually a good book. The only reason I bring this up. Is that this book is similar in scope to Jules Vernes The Mysterious Island (1874) and Journey to the Center of the Earth (1864). The same can be said of this and why it get's its title Mockbuster. This movie released about the same time as the Will Ferrel comedy Land of the Lost. In hopes of drawing attention to itself. Sadly this is not the only incident as they have done this with Transformers, Alien vs Predator and most recently will do it with the movie Thor. All of which are put out by the production company The Asylum.

It might be sickening that they use these tactics. But they work as people are dumb enough to buy them. So as long as we the viewing public are gullible and we love our crappy films. Companies like The Aslyum will keep pumping them out for us. Which is fine for me as it keeps me busy with my little year long hobby.

My Rating 2.5/5 Stars


No trailers for this film. Feel free to watch it on Netflix if you are interested.

My Review Criteria: Must be a film I have never seen and available on Netflix (Streaming or DVD). Must be a B-Film, Indie Film or Foreign Film. Must have not been released in mass to Theaters in the USA. Feel free to submit any movie you would want me to review. I am game for anything.

(Goal to write 365 movie reviews in 365 days. Damn I am nuts!)

Movie Review # 9 Wasting Away ( a.k.a Aaah! Zombies!!)

Release: 2007
Director: Mattew Kohnen (The Fan)
Writers: Mattew Kohnen, Sean Kohnen
Cast:
Matthew Davis (Pearl Harbor, Legally Blonde, Blue Crush)
Colby French (Gross Pointe Blank, Eagle Eye, Changeling)
Richard Riehle (Glory, Office Space, Fear and Loathing, The Fugitive)


Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: n/a http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/wasting-away/
IMDB: 5.7/10 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1027762/
Netflix: 3 Stars


Review:
Wasting Away or Aaah! Zombies!! what ever the title. Is one of those rare comedic gems that yells for a cult following. In the likes of Day of the Dead and Sean of the Dead both of which have a cult like status. This film should have one as well. I honestly had never heard of it and just happened upon it on Netflix. Seeing that my goal is to see 365 different films this year alone and review them. This was a perfect canidate and one that I thoroughly enjoyed.

I know some purists of zombie lore and films will scoff that I recommend this film. But hell to each of them. I love my zombies as much as they do and seeing a story from their point of view. Well honestly it was needed and it is enjoyable. On Rotten Tomatoes 54% of the populace wants to see this. Well Rotten Tomatoes its out and its a pretty decent film. So here is the review of Aaah! Zombies!!

The film opens with a mad scientist who has developed a super soldier serum and you know what happens the volunteer becomes the first zombie. Well you see that first zombie ends up dead in the lab. But what happens next is straight out of classic b-films. As the serum is transported with labels saying baby forumula on them and another cliche occurs. A barrel get's loose and some hapless people are no zombies. This time by the barrels leaking its goo on to a box of dried ice cream parts.

Yes it is silly and yes it is cheesy but it is what makes this movie alluring. I won't spoil anymore than that. Other than to say this is a reverse Sean of the Dead. Where they think the world is infected and it is really them that are. Which leads to some hilarious moments through out. The comedy is dark and honestly very much slapstick. Everything from stumble gags to stage set's where you just go did that just happen as you giggle inside.

What sets this film apart from a majority of others is the cinematography. With half the movie shot in black and white and the other in color. Yea I know you going huh and what? Honestly it is needed folks. Color is the living world and the black and white is the dead world. Get it? Yeah it is cool is it not? Oh alright fine be that way you babies. So this might be the biggest complaint about the film. Is just that the color and black and white break up. I did not see a problem with it. But some will and will downgrade this all because of that.

What they wont is the acting as it hits the best of b-films. Some lines are silly others are brilliant and the actors sold what and believed in what they where doing. It comes across as film of passion and love from the director on down. I just hope that more directors and writers make films like this. They are fun and different and that is what is so great about film. Is that even today there are movies like no other and this is one of those films. So please check it out on Netflix and let's help the little guys.

My Rating: 3.75/5 Stars