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Monday, August 1, 2011

Movie Review # 145 Ballistica (2009)

Release: 2009
Director: Gary Jones
Writer(s): Tony Kandah, Sean Rourke
Cast: Paul Logan, Martin Kove, Robert Davi

Rotten Tomatoes: 0% Audience Fresh
IMDb: 3.3/10
Netflix: 2.8 Stars

I am flummoxed and not to sure I really want to rip another movie. It has come to be the modus operandi around here lately. Not that I like doing it nor do I live for it. But it is what it is. I just wish I could land on a string of wonderful movies and have glowing reviews for each of you out there to read. Instead I am quickly becoming the Angry Video Game Nerd of movies. Not that James Rolfe does not do bad movies. He just chooses to do bad games reviews more than these. So I give him kudos for that.

Enough with the butt kissing and the brown nosing. It is just time to bite the bullet and suck it up. Ballistica is a stereo-typical spy and espionage film. Complete with the handsome spy, the evil two timing beautiful girl and the boss who get's into trouble. It is all here and it is done in such a way that you can literally guess whats coming next. Then have a wonderful train of thoughts of how good it can be. Then you get berated by horribly stiff acting, laughable nameless gun fodder and a script that is so bloated with crap.

That you feel you have been fed a diet of fatty lard and crap. Then told it is the finest steak because it is browned nicely and has the perfect grill marks. Which happen to be the graphics in the movie. Now when the graphics are the best thing about the movie. You have problems and those are REAL BIG PROBLEMS. Thankfully those scenes are breathers from the bad script and acting.

Which is still not enough to make this movie enjoyable. If anything if you can sit through this movie you will notice several things. All the women in the movie eventually put on skimpy outfits, Paul Logan likes to be topless as much as possible to showcase his muscles. Which is honestly very enjoyable for me. Just not the targeted audience and that is why all the women wear almost nothing at all.

You know that me be the only good parts. Is is seeing pretty people who act like porn stars and have no acting ability and you long for sex scenes. That never materialize. Even then I am thankful and because the last thing I need in this awful movie is describing the bad sex scenes. So that is a saving grace. It was not enough though. So who is this movie good for? Honestly no one.

As it is the worst kinda of propaganda and tripe you can put on film. It is not enjoyable or believable. If anything it puts a bad name to spy movies. Which is so common place that they should be avoided at all costs. So if you want spy go see a Bourne movie or James Bond. Just do not think about this one as you will more than likely not enjoy it and if you do. Please check your temperature and see if you are delusional and in need of medical help.

My Rating: 1 out of 5 Stars

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