Release: 2005
Director: Jeff Leroy
Writer: Jeremiah Campbell
Cast: April Betts, Patrick Burdine, Eric Coffin
Ratings:
Rotten Tomatoes: n/a
IMDb: 3.6/10
Netflix: 2 Stars
Review:
What in the hell did I just watch!? Seriously I have no clue and I just finished watching this God damned movie. Was it a soft core porn with a cheesy script? Was it a Satanist orgy film? Or was it just a group of friends who went out and hired Ron Jeremy for a cameo and then shot possibly one of the worst movies of all time!? Oh fuck it is all of the above and then a bag of flaming dog shit. Seriously one for the annuals of shitty movies.
That is so bad it is not enjoyable. As the minutes ticked away you could count on two things. One naked titties and beheading. It is all this movie is as a coven of witches set forth to kill 666 souls over a year in order to live for another year. This main plot point never gets talked about till the last fifteen minutes of the movie. Even then if you made it this far you are wanting death as it is boring. Yet there is a silver lining to this. Even if it is a small one. You make it to the end you will see a monster so badly done that not only will you laugh.
You will freeze frame it and just start crying. It is nothing more than a sheet, plastic bowels, lights and some cellophane. Which makes it possibly the worst creature I have ever bared witness to. All the while it is the only redeeming thing as it's B-Film classy nature screams for attention. As for the rest of the movie. The cast is seen reading from a prompter or a cue cards. Toss in the sets that are sheets, plywood and plastic. You feel as if you watching a bad movie shot inside a badly done haunted house.
Which is all this movie is with over the top titty action. Which is even more funny as the movie has chances to dive deeper into the smut genre and chooses not to. All of which I do not mind as this movie could not be saved by seeing a penis or a vagina. Even if they are the most perfect of their kind. If anything this movie would neuter those poor souls that showed their beloved private parts.
Which in all honesty this movie has done for the actors involved. If any of them can steer away from this and become something special. I will give them kudos. Sadly if a casting director sees this they will think one thing. I have no need for bad pornstars who can not do more than sit around in their clothes talking about sex. Which is all this movie is and a bag of lingerie.
My Rating: Negative - 2 out of 5 Stars
No comments:
Post a Comment